Copycat
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: YAHF  Xander creates his own character from a bunch of partial New Mutants' outfits, but what happens when the spell ends?
1. Chapter 1

**Copy Cat**

(Yes … another new story by dogbertcarroll, when he really should be finishing his old ones; the Bastard)

**Disclaimer: Neither he nor I own any commercial property of any real value, or we would have sold it for crack long ago; now here we are sharing our crack with you. Probably in a non-sexual manner (you pervs) but no guarantees.**

Xander examined his costume in the mirror again. Ethan hadn't had anything in his price range, but what he had was a box of partial outfits he'd let Xander have for a song.

Putting together an outfit had actually been pretty easy once he'd remembered an early X-men character that copied other mutants abilities. If he remembered it right, the guy got up to five mutant abilities of his choice at a time, but Xander had only found three partial sets that fit together well.

He had Cypher's classic black and yellow New Mutant outfit, with Magik's soul sword and partial armor, topped with Wolfbane's hair, eyes and teeth. Not a bad effect really. He barely recognized himself with the short red hair and green eyes, much less in skin tight spandex.

A battered trench coat and fedora quickly joined the ensemble, as all teen boys knew better than to tempt fate when a light breeze could give them a stiffy. Xander mentally added private detective to his character's resume as he nodded in satisfaction at his reflection.

**0oOo0**

"I'm sorry I don't have any candy," Joyce said, looking drool worthy in an Elvira outfit.

Xander stood silently for a moment before answering, "I can't think of a single comment to make that wouldn't get me slapped at this moment."

"Xander?" Joyce asked, recognizing him now.

"Of course the words trick and treat really aren't that helpful right now and… my god you look gorgeous! How do you feel about younger men? Have you got any applications I can fill out for the pool boy position?" Xander babbled.

"We don't have a pool," Joyce said in amusement.

"Do you have a shovel? I can get started on one. Or considering the fact that most accidents occur in the home with the bathroom being one of the main sources of danger, just for safety's sake you may want to hire me as life guard and towel boy for your tub. For your own protection of course."

Realizing that he was likely to stand there babbling for the next half hour she turned to enter the living room and was rewarded with the most realistic wolf's howl she'd ever heard outside of the real deal.

Buffy rushed down the stairs. "Where's the wild animal?"

"Hey Buff," Xander said absently, still drooling over the retreating Joyce, who was unaware she'd put an extra sway in her hips.

Joyce smiled to herself as she finished painting her fingernails in the kitchen. It was so nice of Xander to pretend he was attracted to a woman twice his age. Buffy's shout of "No! I won't call you daddy!" made her reconsider. 'I still got it.'

**0oOo0**

"You can't marry my mom!" Buffy growled.

"I know that," Xander replied, seemingly unconcerned about the angry Slayer. "I was just kidding about calling me daddy."

As Buffy calmed down Xander asked with forced nonchalance, "You've got to be at least 18 to marry in California, right?"

"Arrrrgh!"

**0oOo0**

Xander fell on all fours, his armor and sword vanishing as a wave of magic rolled over him changing him into his costume and his costume changing him into a wolf... Tangled up in a trench coat and spandex outfit.

Michael wrestled his way out of the outfit, wondering what was going on this time. There were days he really wished he hadn't joined the X-men, well the New Mutants really, but than all of the X-gene club seemed to have in for him. They were either trying to get him to be a hero or accusing him of being a villain. He was really beginning to wonder if the energy used to power mutant abilities was drawn from the portion of the brain that held their common sense.

"Xander! Xander!"

He finally managed to wriggle free, only to find a redhead yelling a name at him he'd never heard before.

"Oh, great, you've been turned into a wolf and I'm a ghost. We have to find Buffy and fix all of this," the redhead babbled.

A scream broke the silence.

"Buffy!" the redhead cried out in alarm. "Uh, heel boy?" she tried and Michael decided he might as well go with the scantily dressed redhead as she seemed to know some of what was going on. Well that and he liked the view.

The redhead quickly homed in on the source of the screams, running through objects like Kitty Pryde with Michael following along jumping over those same obstacles.

"Get away from her!" the redhead yelled, swinging her arms through the small goblin looking creatures who were attacking a dark haired girl dressed in some poofy medieval monstrosity.

Everyone involved was surprised at the sudden flash of light that came from the redhead, who was now wearing the right arm and shoulder piece of a suit of armor and wielding a silver sword.

The two goblins ran in fright while the redhead froze for a moment. "Ok, whatever works, I guess."

Michael just stared in shock, knowing exactly what her having that sword meant. The redhead was his soul mate, and not in some crappy teenage romance novel way either. She was the person whose soul complemented his and she looked damn good in that tiny miniskirt too!

**0oOo0**

Michael sniffed around the living room, finding traces of all three of them having been there before, which fitted with the red … Willow's explanation about who they were. He was of two minds about it really, being him was both a blessing and a curse… and now he wasn't.

A scream from outside interrupted his train of thought and recalling what a chore it was to get Buffy to open the door to enter the house, he simply jumped up and turned the knob with his teeth, before yanking backwards on it to open the door.

"Great, it's bad enough he's a wolf, but now he thinks he's Lassie," Willow muttered as Xander ran outside.

Cypher's powers kicked in as he ran toward the scream, translating the hairy creature's roars into, "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Stop screaming before I rip your head off!"

"She's only screaming because you're chasing her," Michael barked back, thinking he was lucky that this language was well suited to a wolf's vocal cords.

The creature stopped and stared as the girl continued running into the distance. "Holy shit! A talking wolf!"

"Yes, and see the girl's gone and so are her screams."

"Thanks," the large hairy being barked thankfully, "you have no idea how painful that was. It was like an ice pick in my ears."

"I'd advise hiding out somewhere until things calm down and you can sneak off to someplace less noisy."

"Thanks, I'll do that," the large creature growled before lumbering off saying, "I can't believe I met a talking wolf."

Willow stared at Xander as he re-entered the house and pushed the door closed. "Did you just save a Big Foot from Cordelia?"

Michael nodded and climbed up on the couch to lie down.

"I have to tell Giles what's going on, he'll know what to do," Willow said. "Stay here, Xander will guard you," she promised before vanishing through a wall.

"Good doggy," the noble woman tried, and Michael gave his best stupid dog impression and put his head in her lap.

"You're even bigger than a Great Dane aren't you boy?" Buffy scratched his head and he dutifully wagged his tail, enjoying the sensation when a faint odor started to prick his nose right before it was eclipsed by the smell of hair gel and leather.

Leaping off her Michael stood between her and the kitchen, growling deeply.

"Easy fella, nice doggy. I'm not here to hurt anyone, I'm just here to make sure Buffy is ok."

It lacked a heartbeat but not sincerity, so Michael moved back to the lady's side and assumed a guard position, letting the intruder know to watch his step.

"Buffy, are you ok?" he asked gently.

"My name is not Buffy, its Catherine," the lady said firmly.

"Ok," Angel replied and sat down in a chair. "Do you know what's going on?"

"A nice young ghost with a sword and a habit of walking through solid objects in her underwear said she was going to find a Sir Giles and he'd resolve things."

"Huh, I guess we just have to wait for him to call. Would you like for me to put the tea on?"

"Yes, that would be lovely," Catherine replied regally.

**0oOo0**

"I feel like I should be out doing something," Spike said with a sigh.

"Sorry Master, but Dru's orders are clear. We are to keep you here no matter what or else a wolf will remove bits of you that she quite enjoys and then she will remove those same bits off us," the large vampire guarding the door to the lair said nervously.

Spike laughed. "And I can hardly get mad at you for making sure I keep my bits. Fine, I'll stay in but someone has to go to the store and get me some more whiskey. Now, who's up for some Scrabble?"

**0oOo0**

"Go keep an eye on Buffy and Xander, I'll take care of things at Ethan's," Giles said, grinning savagely.

"Will do," Willow promised and started running to Buffy's, mentally wondering why she was doing more running as a ghost than she ever did when alive.

She arrived breathlessly at Buffy's to find Angel and Buffy having tea, while Xander had immobilized someone dressed as Dracula by attaching his teeth to their groin.

"Vill you let me go unharmed? If I svear to leave peacefully and not return?" the Dracula wannabe asked in a pitch a bit higher than normal.

"That sounds reasonable," Catherine said calmly as Michael released the costumed vamp who quickly ran out the kitchen door, which Michael then closed and locked with a bit of effort.

"Oh! You're back," Catherine said with a smile, her eyes making Willow feel even more under dressed for some reason.

"Um, yes," Willow replied blushing. "Giles said he'd have everything cleared up shortly."

"Thank god," Angel said gratefully, "it's chaos out there. Thanks to Xander its been relatively calm in here though."

Willow beamed at Xander before she stumbled and began to fade, vanishing a moment later.

"Nobles were complete pervs!" a red faced Buffy declared, ripping her wig off before she and Angel turned to Xander who was rolling around on the floor in wolf form in a great deal of pain.

Michael/Xander felt like they were being torn in two as the spell tried to remove everything that wasn't Xander, and Michael's mutant power fought to keep empowering him.

As the pain became too much to bear he instinctively used a light disc to teleport to the X-men's infirmary as he'd been trained to, leaving a stunned and worried Buffy and Angel behind.

In a dark alley Cordelia Chase slapped the shit out of a former pirate before making him start over at her directions.

**0oOo0**

Willow pulled the sheet off her as she sat up. "It feels so good to breathe again, but something feels missing... I better go check on the others."

**0oOo0**

"The future's in Chaos! Removing him should have created less not more."

"From Chaos springs Order, you are ordered by the Highest to fix this mistake and not interfere again."

**AN: Typing by Godogma without whom I wouldn't have posted most of my stuff.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 – Ditto**

Sirens blared throughout the mansion as the alarm system registered a medical emergency and an intruder at the same time.

Professor X's mental voice rang out as the alarms were silenced, -Michael teleported in but he's not quite himself, his mind is in so much pain that I can't get more than a basic reading off him.-

A number of people rushed down to the infirmary, Michael being one of them but he was quickly pushed outside. "Joy, I'm dying and I have to wait for the results in the hall," Michael said bitterly.

"How are you here and there?" Bobby Dacosta asked suspiciously. "I seem to recall you pointing out that if you were going to become a villain that you'd take James Maddox's powers first!"

Michael hit his hand against the wall. "Aww look, kinetic energy but no clone. Another swing and a miss by the energy efficient mutant."

The rest of the New Mutants rolled their eyes, used to some mutant's suspicion of the artificial mutant.

"If he teleported in using my light discs he's probably from further down the time line when something went wrong," Illyana Rasputin suggested.

"So his present self doesn't know about his future self's crimes and can provide an alibi! His future self probably has Jamie's powers!" Bobby said triumphantly.

Michael snapped his fingers and a light disc swallowed Bobby up.

"Where did you send him?" Sam Guthrie asked, suspicious himself but not to the extent Bobby was.

"Swimming pool," Michael said and resumed his pacing.

Five minutes later he was still pacing as Bobby returned, soaking wet and pissed off. This time when he snapped his fingers and teleported Bobby out he slumped and sat down.

"How far away was that one?" Illyana asked, having felt the spin he put on the portal.

"Next Tuesday," Michael replied. "I could be dying in there and I just don't have time for his mental problems."

Illyana put a hand on his to calm him down. "Remember the nature of our power, since he's from the future it's no longer guaranteed to happen. The you in there may die and you live, I've gone through it myself before."

"That makes me feel a bit better, thanks," Michael said, calming down. "Doesn't mean I'm not still worried … I mean, he's a great guy, I'd hate to have him die on me," he joked, scoring a snort from Illyana who was the only one who ever laughed at their continuum jokes.

Wolverine stalked through the waiting room and into the medical bay, growling, "This better not be a trick."

"Oh god, it must be serious! Wolverine said I'd only get his power as a cold dead body."

"Yeah, but he can heal anything, this guarantees your other self will be fine," Danielle Moonstar pointed out.

"Yes, but what if Wolverine's personality is part of his power?" Michael worried. "Why do you think I never copied his powers?"

"Because you have to cuddle with the person for about an hour?" Sam asked, causing Illyana, Michael, Kitty, and Lockheed to laugh.

"What?" Sam asked, knowing he was missing something.

Illyana shook her head. "He only needed a second of skin to skin contact when he first got here, now he can copy any powers within a half mile."

"So it was just a trick to get into my panties!" Rahne Sinclair shouted.

Michael raised an eyebrow. "When did we have sex?"

Rahne stopped and looked confused for a moment. "Yeah, why didn't you try and seduce me?"

"I can't cuddle with a pretty girl without having ulterior motives?" Michael asked, utterly confused.

"You still should have made a pass at her," Illyana said.

"It's only polite," Kitty agreed.

"I can't just want to be held?" Michael sniffed and faked a tear.

"I thought that was our line?" Danielle asked.

Michael shook his head and reminded himself that even Professor Xavier, the most powerful telepath on the planet didn't understand women. The brief mental contact from Professor X saying he did was ignored as Michael cherished his delusions.

Sighing he stood up and walked over to Rahne's chair, picked her up and sat back down with her in his lap and wrapped his arms around her. No one heard what he whispered in her ear, but her blush completely eclipsed her freckles.

Wolverine stepped out of the infirmary. "Your other self is ready for visitors if you care," he growled and stalked off.

Michael stood up and quickly entered the infirmary still carrying Rahne. "So, I'm ok?"

Beast raised an eyebrow at Michael carrying a red faced Rahne, but didn't comment on it. "We had to mentally suppress your consciousness as you reacted rather violently to Wolverine's power. Despite the fact that you would instinctively copy his power to save your life, you kept mentally rejecting it for some reason. Any ideas?"

Michael looked at the wolf on the table. "That's not me."

"What?" Doctor McCoy seemed at a loss. "He used light discs to teleport in with the form of a wolf, and Professor X read him as you and he copied Wolverine's powers, but you say he's not you?"

Rahne recovered from whatever mental trauma Michael had inflicted on her and wiggled so he put her down. "He's right," she said looking at the wolf. "Their wolf forms don't even look alike."

"Oh my," Beast said, running a DNA scan while the two teenage werewolves examined the unconscious one. "I'm seeing DNA from both of you …"

Michael caught Rahne as she fainted. "I think … we'll step outside for a minute."

Carrying Rahne out much the same way he'd carried her in, he took his seat in the hall.

"Well?" Illyana asked.

"I think he's my and Rahne's son."

"Good thing you made a pass at her already then, softens the blow that you'll be having a kid together," Illyana said, a bit shocked at the news.

Beast's voice came from the infirmary PA into the hall, "I'm also detecting some of Illyana's DNA."

Michael shook Rahne awake. "Honey, we seem to have had a kid with Illyana."

"How?" Sam asked.

"With magic all things are possible," Douglas Ramsey said, finally showing up, as he was not an early riser.

"You know what we're talking about?" Kitty asked.

Doug shook his head. "Nah, just an annoying phrase I picked up from Doctor Strange."

"We're talking about the fact that Rahne, Michael and Illyana had a kid together and he's in the next room."

"Ok, magic and alcohol," Doug said wide eyed.

"Ok, I finished the comparison scan against our database. He contains DNA from Michael, Rahne, Illyana and Douglas," Beast's voice came through the PA.

"A LOT of alcohol," Doug said shocked.

"I can't believe you guys had a magical orgy and didn't invite me," Kitty said, offended.

**0oOo0**

"Where am I?" Xander asked and blinked as it came out as a series of growls.

Beast looked up from his computer screen. "You might want to change back to human form before talking, but I'd suggest eating something first."

**0oOo0**

"If anybody needs me, I'll be at the nearest church praying for your souls," Sam said, getting up and walking out.

Danielle laughed at the glares Sam received and the worried look Rahne developed. "Of course it could simply be that you four are his grandparents and he's not a magical abomination."

"That makes a lot more sense, even if it sounds like a lot less fun than a magical orgy," Michael admitted.

"Yeah, but now we have to figure out who was with who and who had the son and daughter?" Doug asked.

Michael grabbed Illyana's hand and kept Rahne in his lap. "But I want both of them!"

Doug nodded. "I know the feeling, trying to choose between them is like trying to choose between winning the lottery in New York or Washington. Either way you're one lucky bastard."

"And what am I chopped liver?" Kitty asked, pretending to be offended.

Doug put his arm around her. "Don't be silly, obviously we're both having affairs with you. Which is why our kids can't marry; they could be half brother and sister."

The group burst out laughing.

When they finally calmed down Rahne said, "I've always wanted a son."

Illyana nodded. "Daughter here, and in at least one reality out of an infinite number we got our wish."

The door to the lab opened and a wolf stepped out.

Beast held the door for the wolf. "He's physically fine, but he needs a lot of food to make up for the energy used in healing before he can safely change back."

The door to the infirmary closed leaving Xander looking at a handful of characters he knew. "Warrior needs food badly!" he growled out in Klingon jokingly.

"I almost got that," Michael and Douglas chorused.

"Figures Klingon would be easier to speak as a wolf than a human," Xander growled out.

"Cool," the two boys chorused.

"And for those of us who don't speak wolf?" Danielle asked.

"I don't speak that either," Rahne pointed out.

"He said it figures the language he's speaking is easier to speak as a wolf than a human," Douglas explained.

"And that he'd like some food before he has to revert to cannibalism," Xander added in Klingon.

"And he needs food now, he's starving," Michael said, sitting Rahne down so they could lead him to food quickly.

**After a large enough amount of food to make Xander's stomach bulge, including a large pot of Logan's five alarm chili … **

"Ok, now I just need to digest a bit," Xander said, Douglas providing translations for the others. "And a nap."

Xander sprawled out on the living room sofa and fell asleep almost instantly.

The gathered teens decided that some caffeine and breakfast wasn't a bad idea, since they were going to have to wait for answers anyway.

**0oOo0**

Jamie Madrox, Jean Grey, Scott Summers, Ororo Munroe, and Logan came into the living room looking a bit banged up.

"Rahne, don't take up the entire couch please," Jamie said, shaking the wolf awake.

"That isn't Rahne," Ororo pointed out, "unless she transforms into a male wolf now."

Xander blinked lazily sprawled out on his back with his legs spread wide.

Jamie snatched his hand back like he'd been burned. "Sorry Michael, can you please move?"

"It's not Michael," Logan said after sniffing the air.

"Probably someone's pet," Scott guessed. "I'll get him."

Scott reached out to grab the wolf, but Xander bared his teeth.

"Don't make me blast you," Scott warned.

Xander let loose with a loud fart, causing Scott to stumble back.

Wolverine quickly held his nose. "I don't think he's impressed by your threat, unless he's just reacting like a skunk."

"Scott no!" Jean ordered too late, as Scott sent a low powered concussive beam at the wolf to frighten him off.

As the beam hit, Xander split into a dozen wolves; wolves who looked distinctly annoyed.

The X-men drew back as the small pack faced them.

"Jean?" Scott asked.

"I feel an animal's mind, no sign of intelligence," Jean warned, her attempts to scan Xander being deflected to the section of his mind that he generally suppressed.

"Great, you decided to piss off the lupine version of Jamie here," Wolverine said sarcastically, being able to read the wolf's body language enough to see it wasn't really angry.

As one the wolves all turned around and lifted their tails.

"Oh god! No!" Wolverine cried, crashing through the living room window just before Xander acted.

**0oOo0**

"Alert! There is a level 3 Bio-Chem hazard in the living room! I repeat there is a level 3 Bio-Chem hazard in the living room!" the PA system blared, as it sealed the living room.

"Level 3... tear gas or stink bomb?" Doug guessed.

Kitty nodded. "Yeah, we set that one off a lot."

Rahne sighed. "Someone probably maced our grandson. That dog mace really stings as a wolf too."

"Well, as soon as the ventilation system clears the air in there the door will open and we can see what happened," Danielle said just as the door to the living room opened and a handful of X-men fled through it.

The teens quickly piled into the living room only to find a dozen wolves looking smug and the picture window shattered with Wolverine cussing in Cantonese outside.

The wolves changed into a group of naked Xanders. "Sorry about that," they chorused, "but chili gives me gas."

"Clothes?" Danielle suggested, getting an eye full.

Xander turned bright red as he realized he was naked and the clones quickly vanished, leaving one Xander, who instinctively summoned his soul sword, gaining a chain mail loincloth and some silver plated footwear.

"Why don't you ever wear your armor that way?" Michael teased Illyana, who quickly smacked him in the shoulder.

"Stop ogling my grandson!" Rahne told the girls, hiding her own blush.

"Grandson?" Xander asked confused. "What did I miss?"

"Beast's DNA scan revealed that you have DNA from Michael, Illyana, Rahne and Doug!" Kitty exclaimed.

Xander scratched his head and could feel the difference from his normal shaggy mop and used his sword to examine his reflection. "Great googly moogly, I've been spliced!"

"Huh?" was the general consensus.

"Long story short, I've been magically altered and I'm not from this dimension," Xander explained.

"I think we'll need a bit longer explanation than that bub," Wolverine said as he entered the room, "and what you did a minute ago … was pure evil."

"I gave fair warning," Xander argued, "to you anyway. But the others didn't have heightened senses so they were fair game. Besides, did you see the look on Scott's face?"

Wolverine chuckled. "Fine, I'll give you that."

"Ok, longer story ..." Xander began and paused. "How long do you want it?"

"I think we can safely skip the origin of the Earth and mankind," Illyana stated dryly.

"Really? Cause that's actually kinda integral … Actually I think you're right; I can skip a bunch of stuff, though it's interesting it doesn't really matter here and now."

Xander nodded thoughtfully. "Ok, on my world we have something called a Hellmouth; which is exactly what it sounds like. It's under my high school in fact and me and some friends spend most of our spare time fighting vampires and odds and ends. Now Halloween rolls around …"

"Big demonic event?" Illyana guessed.

"Actually no, demons think it's too commercial these days, so Halloween is pretty quiet. At least it was supposed to be, everyone got turned into their costumes this year and I, being broke as hell, cobbled together my costume from several others and when the spell broke something went wrong; it felt like it was tearing me apart, so the Michael persona teleported me here."

"You dressed as me for Halloween?" Michael asked, surprised.

"Made you up, kinda," Xander admitted. "Since I was working with partial costumes I had to come up with an original character, but infinite means everything imagined is real somewhere. So; here we are."

"So, why him?" Wolverine asked.

"In an insane world he's been gifted with the greatest power of all," Xander said grandly.

"The ability to copy other's powers?" Wolverine asked doubtfully.

"Nah, the power of common sense," Xander replied. "He doesn't want to be a hero or a villain and because he's a decent guy he's always getting dragged into things, because his friends rush in where Angel's would decide to leg it."

"If he has common sense why doesn't he copy any really powerful mutants?" Wolverine asked.

"A lot of problems are caused by miscommunication, so Cypher's abilities are a must. Magik's power is great for getting from one place to another, including moving an injured friend through time to when the doc's have everything ready to save them, and let's not forget magic itself is an all purpose tool," Xander pointed out.

"And mine?" Rahne asked curiously.

"Being a werewolf kicks ass no matter how you slice it," Michael and Xander chorused.

"And the last two slots are left open to customize per emergency," Xander finished.

"How do you know so much about us?" Kitty asked.

"Comic books and cartoons," Xander explained, "just as everything imagined is real, everything real has been imagined somewhere."

"Prove it," Danielle challenged.

Xander grinned. "Mirage, the demon bear can be killed by Illyana's soul sword. Illyana, Belasco is not dead, the sooner you get Doctor Strange to work on that problem the better. Wolverine, the reason you haven't regained your memory despite your healing ability is because there's a microchip in your head suppressing them. Rahne, god doesn't consider it a sin to enjoy the pulsating shower head, despite what the priests have said, he doesn't care about private activities of that nature, unless they involve victims rather than volunteers."

Xander waited until everyone had stopped shouting before saying, "Of course I could be wrong since comic books aren't exactly known for being perfectly accurate and this is an alternate reality of the ones I read; but the major points should still be good."

Illyana nodded. "Yeah I can jump forward in time a decade, but the time line is never stable enough to say that what I learned is still going to happen when I return."

"Nothing for me?" Doug asked.

"If you're going to jump into all these fights stop wearing spandex and start wearing armor, but that's just common sense. You've got access to advanced alien tech here, use it."

Michael nodded thoughtfully. "High tech does seem to take a back seat to powers that just aren't as effective in most situations around here."

"Not to mention for all Professor X's talk about working alongside humanity I'm noticing a lack of humans on your teams; its kinda like finding the NAACP being run by a group of white guys. Makes me doubt their sincerity," Xander explained.

Professor X floated in followed by the rest of the residents. "I've mainly been focused on helping mutants with dangerous powers control them and fit in."

"Doesn't change the fact that you talk a good game, but don't practice what you preach. Hell, you even give yourselves names based on your mutant abilities to distance yourselves from those lesser beings who don't have them," Xander snorted rubbing his temples.

"Code names help protect our identities on the battlefield," Scott quickly defended the practice.

Xander laughed harshly. "As if the X-men under Professor X aren't easily locatable. Hell, most of you don't even wear masks. Not to mention your code names rarely if ever change and are connected to your powers! Wow, I broke the code!"

The mutants shifted uncomfortably.

"And stop poking in my head," Xander almost snarled. "You're waking up things I work hard keeping asleep!"

"It's just a surface scan, nothing invasive," Professor X assured him.

"To one of the average humans from this planet, sure. But my mind isn't exactly the same; then again what do I know after all it's not like me or Michael are real mutants?" Xander growled, causing some of those listening to flinch as they'd heard or said similar things themselves when in a bad mood. "So, really my opinion isn't all that important; maybe 4/5th instead of 3/5th that un-powered humans get since they aren't homo-superior. Really; naming yourself that? What the fuck were they thinking?"

Michael winced. "Wow, even I'm not that negative at my worst!"

"I gotta get outta here before HE wakes up completely," Xander growled, vanishing using a light disc.

Jean Grey sighed. "That went well."

"Do you really think all that?" Kitty asked Michael.

"I'm not nearly as bitter about it as he is, but sure. It's obvious to anyone with half a brain that being a mutant doesn't mean you're more highly evolved than a homo-sapien, and calling yourselves homo-superior is completely idiotic. You guys aren't a new species, you're all homo-sapiens with a forced boost in a random direction that may or may not be an improvement. Humans can develop powers when put into extraordinary situations because we're adaptable. The X-gene just ensures it, and I'm not sure someone didn't engineer it and implant it into humans to begin with," Michael finished.

Things got loud.

"You can argue about it all you want," Michael said with a shrug, "but anyone that thinks The Toad is superior to Albert Einstein needs to get their meds adjusted. Now rather than argue about it with you, I think I'm going to take a quick two month vacation on a deserted island."

"Two months isn't exactly quick," Beast pointed out.

"Not to mention you have classes to attend," Ororo added.

"We'll be back in time for class," Illyana snickered, figuring out what he meant.

"We?" Michael asked surprised.

"What kind of vacation is it if you don't have a pretty girl to rub sun tan lotion on?" she smirked.

"Bring a lot, I burn easily," Rahne said, surprising the two as she grabbed Michael's other hand.

"I forbid it!" Scott snapped out, causing the other New Mutants to grab hold of Mike, chorusing their approval of the idea.

As they vanished Jean looked over at Scott. "You liar, I can feel your agreement."

Scott grinned. "Group bonding by rebelling against an authority figure, not to mention giving us some time to deal with the issues he brought up. He has some minor points that we really should deal with before they become major problems."

"He said he'd be back in time for classes," Ororo reminded him.

"Yeah, but prolonged stays in other time periods affect your aim," Scott smirked.

"And his aim isn't all that great to begin with," Logan chuckled, finding himself agreeing with Scott for once.

**AN: Guess who did my typing?**

**AN2: Comic geeks in the Marvel verse… considering knowledge is power… well I think Xander will get along just fine while searching for a way home.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Xander appeared in a back alley Michael often used because there was a good deli nearby.

He could feel his anger and stress lessening as no one was poking the primal or … HIM. 'Damn trench coat!' Relaxing for a moment he became aware of the draft and realized his current state of dress would attract more attention to him than being a wolf would.

Less than a minute later a wolf exited the alley and tried to blend with the typical New York crowds, finding it a lot easier than he thought it would be. Stand up straight, act like you belong and they'd pretty much ignore you.

The smell and the noise took a bit to get used to, but Xander adapted quickly and making out the sounds of pitched battle followed them to the Baxter Building where he found the Fantastic Four in battle with a bald guy using clay statues to make Spiderman and the Thing battle the remaining three.

Xander threw himself against the wall, creating a half dozen duplicates that the bald guy didn't notice until they'd surrounded him and one had clamped his jaws around the guy's crotch.

He knew that Spiderman and the Fantastic Four could handle this guy easily, but the chance to get them in his debt so he could get Reed to figure out how to send him home was a godsend. Sure, he knew Reed would probably do it even if he didn't know Xander, but Reed would work a lot harder on it and give it a higher priority if he did.

'_What do I know about the Fantastic Four and Spiderman that could be useful here?'_ Xander thought to himself, trying to ignore the fact that his mouth was around some guy's crotch.

"I surrender!" The Puppet Master cried, dropping the two statues to the ground and freeing the two heroes he'd enslaved.

"Stretch," The Thing asked, "where did you get a pack of wolves?"

"I have no idea where they came from," Reed admitted.

"Can you call them off anyway?" The Puppet Master begged with tears in his eyes.

Spiderman shrugged. "Sure I'll just say heel boy."

The wolves immediately let loose and pulled back from the villain.

"Good doggies?" Spiderman offered lamely.

One of the wolves transformed into a man. "If you can't tell the difference between a wolf and a dog, you've got problems."

"Werewolf?" Johnny asked.

"Where, where wolf?" Xander asked, quoting the old joke.

"There! There wolf!" Spiderman performed the punchline, causing the three to burst out laughing.

"So, who are you guys?" Johnny asked while Susan and Reed turned the Puppet Master over to the police.

"We're actually only one person, my name's Xander. I can copy the powers of others," he explained, wanting to get off on the right foot.

"That sounds handy," Spiderman said, before groaning as he heard J. Jonah Jameson talking in the background to a news crew; claiming to have seen everything and offering his usual slant on things.

"No doubt another pawn of Spiderman, who has hoodwinked another group of heroes," Jameson was saying when Xander wearing his miniscule armor broke in.

"And here we have a local news team interviewing notorious mass murderer J. Jonah Jameson. Man, you must have connections to have kept out of jail this long."

"What? How dare you? I'm …" Jameson began only to have Xander interrupt again.

"Responsible for the creation of the super-villain Scorpion who has murdered how many people now?"

"I had no idea!" Jameson blustered angrily.

"And then there were the Spider Slayers, robots designed to find and kill Spiderman, that he paid to have created and are closely linked to one Wilson Fisk."

"I can hardly be blamed …" Jameson tried to deny.

Xander cheerfully broke in, "Hell, any time the Bugle does an article on Spiderman you can be sure its at least 50% bull and the rest is slanted. About the only good thing I can say is, that despite the fact that JJ here is responsible for destroying dozens of lives and attempting to murder a teenage boy in a costume, who is only trying to help people, he does in fact admit when his story is wrong – by printing retractions … In small print at the bottom of page five."

Jameson in an act of incredible self control managed to calm himself before saying, "When given incontrovertible proof that Spiderman is innocent of a crime I've accused him of I print it on the front page."

"Well, I'm sure that putting it as the third or fourth story down after a week of declaring him guilty in big banner headlines changes everything," Xander said cheerfully, "and in that same spirit let me offer my belief that your copying Hitler's mustache isn't a symbol of your secret allegiance to the Nazi party and their ideas of the only true super humans coming from the pure white race and that you're not prosecuting Spiderman because he is secretly Jewish."

The news teams were all over Jameson as Xander turned and walked off, chortling.

"That was evil," Spiderman said in wonder.

"Yep and I have no doubt you'll go bail him out now," Xander said, shaking his head.

"He's a cheapo and hates me, but he's also done a lot of good," Spiderman said with a sigh, before going to rescue Jameson.

"Excuse me," Spiderman called loudly, interrupting the grilling of JJ who smelt like smoked pig metaphorically at this point, "J. Jonah Jameson may be many things, but he's not a racist. I have seen the man throw himself in harm's way to protect children of other races, his charity work has always been focused on helping people not colors. He wears that caterpillar on his lip in defiance of Hitler, not in memory of him. I recall him saying he wasn't going to let some tinpot dictator make him change his style, even when it went out of style... Twenty years ago, possibly more. Does he hate me and want me dead? Yes, but that's not motivated by anything other than a very personal hatred of me; Spiderman although I have saved his life and the lives of everyone he loves multiple times."

"Is it true that you are just a teenager?" one of the reporters called out.

"I can't buy alcohol legally, but I like to think I'm not exactly your average teenager," Spiderman replied.

"I won't believe it until I see your face," Jameson said, "what have you got to hide?"

"A villain found out who I was once; he kidnapped my girlfriend and gave me the choice between saving her and a load of people, men women and children. I tried to do both, I saved them... I failed her," he said with a sigh, "so, what do I have to hide? Everyone I know and love."

Even Jameson fell silent as Spiderman walked away.

One of the Xanders bumped into the Thing and copied his power, finding that shifting to human and back wasn't that much harder than shifting into a wolf and back.

"Wish I could turn it on and off like you can," The Thing said, watching one of the wolves shifting from rock to flesh.

"We copy powers, we don't alter them," Xander pointed out.

"What are you saying?" The Thing demanded.

"I'm saying you can change back whenever you want."

"Don't you think I've tried?"

Xander shrugged. "Not my fault you've got some kind of sissy mental block on changing back, you can whine about it in therapy for the next decade if you want to get past it or you can go visit Professor X and have him implant a trigger command so you can change back and forth by tonight."

"Subtlety and tact are lost on you aren't they?" The Human Torch deadpanned.

"The last thing Ben needs is someone blowing smoke up his ass," Xander snorted firmly, "he's got it stuck in his head that his only use to people is his muscles, so to avoid rejection he stuck himself in that rocky orange cocoon."

If it was possible for a man with rocky orange skin to pale, Ben Grimm did so.

"I mean if he wants to be some kind of nancy boy and hide in there I ain't gonna cut him any slack in fact it kind of reminds me of all those teenage boys who put on white makeup and dress in all black, pissing and moaning about how hard their life is..."

Ben grabbed his chest like he was having a heart attack, an expression of utter disgust on his face.

"You know the ones, they have bandages on their wrists because …"

"No more!" The Thing shouted, a look of intense concentration on his face as the rock was slowly forced away – pink flesh appearing for the first time in years. Panting Benjamin Grimm examined himself, "I'm back baby!"

"Yep," Xander remarked smugly, glad he'd read the Secret Wars limited series, though he did wonder how Spiderman had gotten the black outfit if it hadn't happened yet. "You just gotta know what motivates a guy."

"He's not going to have to go through this every time he changes is he?" Johnny asked cautiously.

"Yo Ben!" Xander called, getting his attention.

"What?"

"You don't wear your football gear off the field do ya?"

"What kind of idiot … DAMN! You know you could have just pointed that out to start with!" Ben said with a glare.

"If it didn't work I'd have had to kick your ass and get you drunk, and I'm pantsless at the moment," Xander pointed out, barely covered by his silver loincloth.

"Good point," Ben said agreeably.

"Did I miss something?" Spiderman asked, scratching his head.

"Only a putz wears his uniform off the field," Ben explained, "and that's what I've been doing by staying powered up when nothing was going on. If explaining that didn't work he'd have to beat some sense into me and get me drunk, but he's got no cash on him right now."

"Ben?" Reed and Sue chorused, having just returned from dealing with the police.

"That's me!" Ben declared proudly, "The wolf man convinced me to change back."

"I – I thought you might be able to change at will, since the rest of us could," Reed admitted, "but I wasn't sure how to break the block or if I would be giving you false hope."

"Relax Stretch, you did alright by me," Ben said, lighting a cigar.

"It takes a guy to be able to fix it," Xander said.

"I assure you my husband is all man," Sue said coldly.

"Exactly!" Ben agreed, confusing everyone but Xander.

"He's a man, not a guy; think of it as a social group," Xander suggested, "it takes one guy to understand another."

"You appear to be under dressed," Reed suggested changing the subject.

"Not to mention looking like an extra from Conan," Spiderman tossed in.

"The magic sword I can summon provides a little ... very little armor," Xander explained, "I tend to lose my clothes when I go wolf."

"I can probably help you with that," Reed suggested and waved for the group to follow him into the Baxter building, "specially treated clothes, or maybe dimensionally shifted and of course I've got a living suit that I've been working on."

"I'd appreciate that, thanks," Xander said gratefully.

The wolves vanished into Xander one by one as they headed indoors.

"So, you've got all our powers now?" Johnny asked, seeing how easily he'd copied The Thing's powers.

"I only get to keep five at a time, and there are three I never get rid of because they're so useful plus a fourth one I'm playing with right now. So I only had one slot open and that's taken up by The Thing's power at the moment."

"It is a pretty good power to have," Ben said cheerfully, "well now that I can turn it on and off at will."

"You should still see Professor X," Xander said, "let him give you some triggers so if any mind twisters come along you can still turn it on and off manually."

"That's not a bad idea," Ben agreed, "it'd come in handy if people thought I had to hit my fists together and say 'Its Clobberin' Time!' because rather than keep me unconscious they'd just keep my arms apart."

Xander searched his brain for info about the black suit Spiderman wore, even if this was a universe different enough from the comic that Ben didn't stay on the world the Beyonder built.

"Did Reed make that suit?" Xander asked Spiderman.

"Yep, it's a living suit of clothes that change appearance and handles my webbing, except for the occasional special load needed for someone like Electro, beats the hell out of hiding my clothes and changing in the alley."

"It doesn't have to feed off adrenaline or something similar does it?" Xander asked cautiously.

"I don't think so, Reed?"

"I'd like to say no, but it occurs to me that I haven't tested it using Spiderman's altered biochemistry; the base line shouldn't be that far off, but maybe I should check..."

"You may find that feeding it supplements or the occasional rodent or maybe even letting it eat all the cockroaches it can find may solve the problem. Certainly it's better than going back to changing in the alley," Xander suggested, just in case the costume was sentient enough to become alarmed.

"You got that right," Spiderman declared, "I love this outfit, not only does it do everything mentioned – it also ensures I never have to go clothes shopping again!"

Sue rolled her eyes while the men all swore to get a suit for themselves.

**0oOo0**

Reed looked up from his microscope. "You're right, Spiderman's altered physiology has induced a change in the suit. How did you know?"

"I'm from an alternate reality where a lot of details about a world much like this one are known, so I figured a stitch in time …"

"Saves nine," Reed finished. "Well The Suit, and I really should come up with a better name for it than that, should be fine with either regular supplements of the right hormones or a couple of pigeons a night."

"I'll take the supplements," Spiderman agreed, "we can hold off on feeding it live prey for when I run out and can't get more for whatever reason. Anything else I need to know about it?" he asked Xander.

"Yeah, ask if it's ready to bud yet; I'd like a copy of the altered one," Xander said hopefully.

"Ask the costume ..." Spiderman froze in place for a second, "ok … did anyone else hear that or just me?"

"Just you," Xander assured him, much to everyone else's confusion.

"I didn't design the suit to reproduce," Reed said, "and hear what?"

"Thanks to Spiderman's unique biology the suit has mutated," Xander explained, "it's developed the ability to bud off copies of itself that will gift the bearer with Spiderman's powers so, choose wisely who you give them to because while the suit … symbiont develops its intelligence based on Spiderman its children will likewise develop theirs based on who they bond to."

"Should I be panicking?" Spiderman asked cautiously.

Xander shrugged. "Why? Because if you're knocked out in the middle of battle that your symbiont will do its best to take you to safety and protect you? Or because giving your girlfriend a bud off it will keep her from taking you clothes shopping again and ensure she's never defenseless?"

"Okay, when you put it like that I feel silly for ever thinking of getting rid of my bestest bud ever!" Spiderman declared, hugging himself.

"It can also give you 360 degree vision around yourself, camouflage you so well you're almost invisible, form solid weapons or extra arms to hold stuff for you..."

Spiderman was still cooing to his costume as Xander listed off ideas he'd had, "You can shoot web, or see and hear through any bit of the suit you'd like... So a single thread of it stuck under a door would allow you to see and hear what was going on in the room, hell it could probably separate a small bit of itself off that you could reabsorb later to let you see and hear what happened in the area. With a little work it could probably provide oxygen from water so you'd never have to fear drowning."

"I never designed it for any of those functions," Reed said surprised.

"An intelligent adaptable life form has many more uses than a Swiss Army knife, hell I haven't even gone into the possible sexual uses!" Xander said.

"Sexual uses?" Spiderman asked thoughtfully.

"You can wear it like a full body condom you can feel as if it's your own skin and make it look like it's all you, including multiple extra body parts and tentacles."

"You are a sick, sick man," Spiderman said.

"So you aren't going to try it?" Xander asked.

"If I claimed I wasn't would anyone believe me?"

"No!" came the group reply.

"It can also give you a twelve inch tongue," Xander said.

"I'm a bad, bad boy..." Spiderman drawled in a childlike voice, "but at least I'll have a very happy girlfriend."

"So, can I have a copy of your suit?" Xander asked.

"It says it's at least a year away from budding," Spiderman replied.

"Aww," Xander moped, "I'll take a standard un-evolved symbiont then."

There was a quick chorus of agreement from Ben and Johnny about getting their own as well.

"So it's only Spiderman's unique physiology that evolves it?" Reed asked.

"I'm sure there are others," Xander shrugged, "for instance there are at least two clones of Spiderman running around; one was cloned so well he didn't even realize he was a clone until he saw Spiderman at his apartment, so he took the name Ben Riley and took a job at a circus, foiling the occasional crime but staying out of the way otherwise."

"What?" Spiderman exclaimed in shock.

"Yeah, he has your memories and morals; what else was he going to do?"

"And the other clone?"

"A majorly enhanced version of you, he can see the future and kill with a touch; calls himself Kane, he's working on preventing a vision of the future he saw, I don't recall much about him but he's a bit nuts," Xander warned.

"Are you sure your information is accurate?" Reed asked.

"Likely but not certain, this one isn't the same one I know of; just close to it."

"Yes, that would make your information less reliable, but still potentially valuable. It also explains how you knew so much about Ben."

"Yep, Ben is a popular character in my world when asked most men said they'd switch places with him in an instant even stuck as The Thing."

"What?" Ben asked in shock.

"A lot of guys envied you," Xander said, recalling the discussions at the comic shop, "not just for the power but because of your personality; you were a quarterback who was strong enough not to let it go to your head, you are a good guy with a sense of humor who never passed up a chance to help the little guy."

"Geeze, now I feel bad about all the times I sat around mopin'."

"Yeah, none of us really got that; superpowers, making a difference, beautiful girlfriend... What's not to love?"

"Alicia has been good to me," Ben said thoughtfully.

"So, give her, her sight back."

"Stretch?" Ben asked.

"Every way I can think of involves dangers that just don't make it worth the risk," Reed said sadly.

"You mean like using the suit as a pair of eyes?" Xander asked with a grin.

"I … I can't believe I didn't think of that!" Reed declared, shocked, "But will it be able to provide the correct sensory input without learning it from being attached to her?"

"Spiderman's symbiont can give it the information it needs."

"Symbi says he can handle it," Spiderman offered.

"I don't know how I can repay you for what you've done for us," Reed said gratefully.

"A living suit, a prank on Xavier, and a way home would make me happy," Xander suggested.

"Tell me about it," Reed said, his left hand reaching out to start typing on a computer, causing various gizmos to pop out of the wall and start scanning Xander.

**AN: Mucho gracias to godogma for typing this up!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 **

**(In which yet another new fic gets a continuation rather than finishing up one of his old ones.)**

"Does anyone have anything to say before we begin?" Professor Xavier asked, "No? Good, let's begin by dealing with the name of our genus, Homo-superior."

"I suppose I failed to question the designation because of both ego and having met so many superior minds who were mutants," Hank offered, deciding to go first, "but he does have a point, I cannot say that Toad or Blob or indeed any number of mutants that spring to mind are superior to Albert Einstein. Truthfully I'd hesitate to name myself Einstein's superior, much less Reed Richards."

"How did you choose the name in the first place?" Ororo asked curiously.

"At the time I was working with Erik Lensherr and our work suggested that mutants were the next stage in human development, as was stated the human race is the dominant species on the planet because it is so adaptable and we have plenty of cases where humans have suddenly mutated and developed powers in reaction to radical changes in their environment in order to survive. While even latent X-gene carriers are on the whole healthier and more hardy than normal humans and have a lower threshold to mutate. It just seemed natural to propose that we were superior."

"I vote we rename our species Homo-adaptatus or whatever the proper Latin phrase is, because I can easily see where normal humans would have a problem with people claiming they were a superior breed, it smacks too much of the Nazis and their 'master race'," James Madrox said.

"I suppose I was influenced a bit much by Erik," Charles admitted, "fortunately being the world's foremost authority on mutants means I can get the name changed with little fuss. Any thoughts on having humans on the teams?"

"Mutants have an edge that most humans don't," Logan said bluntly, "using their powers as a focal point for their training I can turn out decent fighters in a fraction of the time it takes with normal humans."

"How about those without active mutations that lend themselves to combat?" Jean asked curiously.

Logan grinned. "All mutations have combat uses, the trick is finding them."

"Even Cypher's?" Hank asked.

"Violence is a form of body language," Logan smirked, "martial arts are just regional accents."

"I don't know whether to be surprised or scared that you thought that up," Scott said after a moment of absolute silence.

"How did you get his mind to make the connection?" Profession Xavier asked eagerly, seeing how Cypher's powers could greatly enhance his fighting skills.

"Interpretive dance," Logan deadpanned.

"Yes, I can see where the next logical step from full body movement as language to martial arts would fit," Hank replied thoughtfully.

"I made him watch an interpretive dance session at the local college and talk to the dancers afterward," Logan continued, "then I told him that if he didn't learn what I was teaching him… I'd make him take the course."

"So did his mind make the logical connection or was it the threat of taking the course that motivated him?" Ororo asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"You can't threaten someone with culture!" Jean burst out.

"Can and did," Logan said smugly, smirking around his cigar. "Cypher mastered the basic movements of three related disciplines in a single day and the other boys started putting some real effort into their training too, either to try and keep up or so I wouldn't feel the need to threaten them with it."

"While this is all well and good, but let's get back on topic; the majority of mutants I've recruited were chosen because they needed help controlling their powers. That is the main reason I designed this institute. I suppose we could train some normal humans alongside the New Mutants but they'd have to be exceptional athletes to keep up, considering the drive our students have," Professor Xavier stated.

"I'm not sure our students have that strong a drive so much as they're driven," Jamie snickered.

"Well, whatever the case I approve of the addition of more students and I'd suggest getting additional teachers as well," Ororo said, "it will prevent disruptions when we are called away or are recovering from injuries if we have staff on hand to cover for us."

"This meeting certainly has been productive," Xavier said cheerfully, "I believe all we have left is code names and how Michael is being treated."

"The code names stay," Logan said flatly, "it's part of our battle persona and a very useful psychological tool. The kid was just lashing out with that one, even un-powered humans like Hawkeye and the Black Widow use them."

"Agreed," Professor Xavier said after everyone murmured agreement. "How have we treated Michael different?"

"I tend to avoid him a bit," James Madrox admitted, "because I recall quite clearly how he admitted that with my power he could take over the world. I know he's shown no signs of doing so but it's like he's a stick of dynamite and I'm a match, so I decided to remove the temptation as much as possible."

"I treat him a bit rougher than the others," Logan said, "to help remove the temptation of copying my power, because my personality is part of my power and us feral types have a certain response to each other."

"I avoid direct contact as my powers are dangerous to one untrained in using them," Ororo explained, "but I don't avoid him."

Jean Grey nodded. "Same here."

Cyclops tapped his visor. "Not to mention Calvin's actions still stick in my mind, even though the two are nothing alike; so I don't treat him quite like I do the others."

Beast shrugged. "I've allowed him to copy my powers for when I need a decent opponent in basketball."

"And the students, well some of them have taken our avoiding contact to mean that he's not to be trusted because he's an artificial mutant," Professor Xavier sighed, "we really should have talked about this ages ago. Michael doesn't need to touch you to copy your powers."

"What?" Jamie burst out.

"He's let everyone have the impression that he has to touch them to copy their powers to reduce some of the paranoia about him, because of how his brother acted and so he knows who doesn't mind him borrowing their powers and who to leave alone. If you avoid physical contact he assumes you'd have problems with him borrowing from you," Charles explained.

"Well his clone didn't seem to have that problem," Jamie pointed out.

"His clone has had his powers for less than a day from what I read, and while he may have Michael's memories he has no experience actually using his abilities so he copied them by accident."

"Did you get anything from peeking in his head," Logan asked, puffing his cigar.

"I didn't peek …" Charles blushed, "well I didn't mean to peek but he wasn't exaggerating when he said his mind was different. If you scan his brain the way you would a normal human's you end up hitting an animalistic persona connected directly to his id, I slid a probe to where you'd normally find the id and found his surface thoughts instead … mostly, and reexamining what was happening while I did so I discovered his mind was actually causing a low level drain on my abilities while I scanned him, although for what reason I can't say; but he may have had a reason to be angry with me that I didn't understand at the time."

"Stay out of his head, got it," Jamie summed up, "now, what can you tell us about him?"

"Well the story he related to Logan was true, while fantastic it's really no stranger than some of the others we've run across. But back to Michael for a moment, please try and treat him like the rest of the students and encourage the students to do the same, he's not going to accidentally copy your powers or do so without your permission."

**0oOo0**

**After some more detailed explanations … **

"You are very childish," Sue said disapprovingly as Johnny, Ben and Peter rolled around on the floor laughing.

"Hmmm," Reed said thoughtfully.

"Surely you're not planning on helping him?" Sue asked.

"It is a fascinating idea," Reed replied as his fingers danced across the keyboard, bringing up and modifying a raygun design on the fly.

"Boys!" Sue snorted and left.

"Yes, I believe it will work," Reed said with a smile, "and I have psionic dampeners in stock."

"Make me one too?" Peter burst out between chuckles, "I know a couple of people I could use it on!"

"I can't think of any off the top of my head, but I gotta have one too!" Ben quickly added.

"Yes, the times and places one would be of use are limited; but it would be a shame not to have one on hand," Reed declared with a chuckle, "I'll just add a regenerative power supply and a dimensional shunt ..."

**0oOo0**

"What should we do about Michael's clone?" Scott asked. "He knows all our secrets and has Jamie's powers already, and while I no longer have any qualms about Michael, I know nothing about him."

"What little I did get from him was mostly positive, the only really negative trait I noticed was the ability to hold a grudge … for a very long time, long past the point where anyone sane would let things go."

"Do you think he'll hold a grudge for me shooting him or your scanning him?" Scott asked.

The air shimmered as a light disc appeared, dropping Xander in the center of the table, wearing a glowing silver headband and a skin tight black suit, a shiny new raygun in his hand.

Scott's hand was only halfway to his visor before Xander's first shot took him out. Wolverine leapt back, kicking his chair away and bared his claws before charging forward, just as Xander's second shot knocked Xavier from his seat.

Xander teleported out a fraction of a second before Wolverine's claws would have speared him.

Jean rushed to Scott's side while Hank helped Professor Xavier back into his chair, but despite everyone's worry they both seemed to be fine.

"I don't think he's quite forgiven us yet," Professor X admitted while scratching his scalp.

"Well at least his response was mild," Scott said, rubbing his head, "zapping me with a light concussive blast like I zapped him with should make us even."

Professor X's scalp suddenly burst into life like a jack in the box, popping out a three foot tall afro that unbalanced him and toppled him backwards to the ground again.

Scott fell face forward, his own newly grown afro covering a significant chunk of the table.

Wolverine fell over laughing as Xander faded into sight in the back of the room holding a video camera.

"Now we're even," Xander chortled, before teleporting out.

**0oOo0**

Xander handed the video recorder to Reed who quickly hooked it up to a massive monitor and hit play.

Spiderman laughed so hard he webbed himself to his seat.

"I'll make everyone a copy," Reed promised.

"Well, that was a great prank... Now on to serious business," Xander said, "how do we get me home?"

"I've scanned your dimensional trace," Reed said thoughtfully, "and I have a 92% chance of getting you into the right universe, but only a 35% chance at the right time line. I'd suggest consulting with Doctor Strange first, he has a lot more experience with dimensional travel than I do," he finished.

Xander's symbiont altered itself to mimic Spiderman's covering his head and face. "Give me the directions and I'll swing on over."

"Decided to play me for the day?" Spiderman asked, amused.

"I've always wanted to web swing," Xander replied, "and since your symbiont was kind enough to share what it knows with mine, I can! Plus, imagine the look on JJ's face if I let someone photograph me taking off my mask." Xander sent his symbiont a series of imagines and when he reached up and pulled off his mask it revealed a face completely unlike his own.

Spiderman accidentally webbed himself again.

**0oOo0**

Xander was just getting the hang of web slinging when his head started throbbing and he was attacked by a green blur and slammed out of the air.

"I have you now wall crawler …" The Vulture's voice trailed off as Spiderman hit the roof and multiplied.

Xander stood up holding his side from where the Vulture's talons had almost taken a chunk out of him, thinking once more how much he loved The Suit.

"Oh god," The Vulture moaned, "I'm having a flashback, I knew eating that pot brownie back in college would come back to haunt me!"

All thirty Spidermen raised their wrists and inexpertly sent webbing flying toward the freaked out criminal.

The Vulture didn't even try to dodge, thinking that most of it was all in his head and having no idea which ones were real and was shortly pulled from his perch and webbed to a chimney, while a dozen or so Spidermen worked themselves free from each other's webbing.

Xander absorbed his duplicates one by one until only he remained, noticing that his side felt a lot better for some reason, facing the Vulture he looked the balding criminal dead in the eye and called his raygun to his hand, noting he had three charges left for the day.

Seeing Spiderman silently holding a gun worried the Vulture; Spiderman was always laughing and joking, but not this time then he remembered the news clip with Spiderman earlier today and almost wet himself. He figured Spiderman wasn't actually seeing him when he looked at him, he was seeing the guy that killed his girlfriend! "Hey Spidey, it's me the Vulture! I rob banks, I don't kill people, and I certainly don't know your secret identity!"

Fuck subtlety, the Vulture wanted to LIVE!

Spiderman's left hand slowly reached up and removed his mask, much to the Vulture's horror.

_'Oh shit, I know who he is! Now he has to kill me!' _The Vulture thought to himself.

Xander kept his face as still as possible, using the suit to make sure the news copter was still filming him; he wasn't sure how it had gotten here so fast but he wasn't about to waste the chance! This was perfect.

**0oOo0**

JJ watched the TV in the newsroom as Spiderman pulled off some new trick, making it look like there were dozens of him.

"That's new," Robby the assistant editor said.

"That freak has more tricks than a dozen magicians," JJ growled.

"Is that a gun?" Robby asked.

"Yes!" Jonah cheered, "Come on Spiderman, show the world your true colors!"

"He's reaching for his mask," Robby pointed out.

"It's like my birthday and Christmas all rolled into one!" Jonah cheered, only to fall silent and stare in horror at what was revealed.

"I loved her," the young black woman said, "and you killed her."

Jonah flinched when the gun went off and the Vulture collapsed, hanging loose in the webbing.

Robby turned to Jonah. "You've been prosecuting a young, black, lesbian, Jew while wearing a Hitler mustache and her lover was killed by a villain. The city is going to rise up as one and lynch you."

**0oOo0**

"I think he had a heart attack," Peter said worriedly.

"Nah, he's just passed out," Ben said, "you can tell by the way he just went limp, he'd have gone tense first if he'd had a heart attack."

Everyone watched as Spiderman leapt to HER death in the East River, not casting a web line.

Peter's cell phone rang and he answered it, "Hey Robby, what? Really? Uh, sure I'll help. Tell him to get to the roof, it's no problem."

"What is it?" Johnny asked as Peter hung up his phone.

Peter turned to Johnny. "We need to borrow the Fantasticar, we're going to smuggle JJ into Mexico. It'll be at least six months before I have to see his face again!"

**AN: Typing by Godogma!**


	5. Chapter 5

Copycat 5

Xander and a hundred or so gallons of the East River appeared in the same back alley he'd teleported into before. Falling water outlined his form briefly as it washed away the accumulated dirt and grime of the alley floor, leaving a couple of fish flapping on the cement as Xander's suit went into chameleon mode.

Xander took to the sky once more, barely visible as a slight distortion in the air as he swung his way towards Dr. Strange's place, unmolested this time.

Landing in an alley he willed his costume to change to a pair of Levi's and his favorite Hawaiian shirt before stepping out and crossing the street.

Standing at the front door of Dr. Strange's secret sanctum, Xander raised his hand to knock when his spider sense sent a signal warning him not to.

He lowered his hand and scanned the area but nothing seemed frightening, so he raised his hand to knock but his spider sense buzzed once more. After several attempts he realized it wasn't going to change and searched for another option; spotting a small white button he reached out to press it when his spider sense buzzed yet again. Sighing Xander reached out to just touch the door and… Buzz!

Frowning thoughtfully he took a couple of steps back from the door and made a couple of plum sized web balls and flung them at the front door while he dodged to the side before he even felt the warning buzz he was sure was coming.

Green lightning shot out from the door to fry the exact spot on the sidewalk he'd just been standing on.

Xander readied himself but there was no further warning and a quick glance around showed that no one had even noticed.

He was scratching his head and wondering what to do next when Dr. Strange himself opened the door and a loud buzzing noise could be heard coming from inside.

"Did you have to glue my doorbell in the on position?" he asked testily.

"I couldn't touch your door without being blasted by green lightning, so I had to improvise," Xander replied.

"Green lightning?" Stephen asked, finally managing to get the ball of webbing off his doorway by accelerating its rate of decay. "Why would the anti-insect ward zap you? And really it's only a spark, not a bolt of lightning."

Xander pointed at a charred spot on the sidewalk. "That is one hell of a spark."

"Hmmm," Stephen said thoughtfully as he examined his home carefully with softly glowing eyes. "Clea has been messing with the wards and has increased the anti-insect section to aggressive, but that alone wouldn't account for the change to lightning."

"Don't look at me, I have no idea. Magic and me just seem to be a bad combo."

"You mind if I give you a quick look over to see why the wards reacted the way they did?" Doctor Strange asked.

"Only if you promise not to go nuts on me if the spell goes wrong," Xander replied cheerily.

"Very well; Eye of Agamotto give me sight beyond sight!" Stephen intoned, the golden eye he used as a clasp for his cloak of levitation opening and bathing Xander's form in golden light for a moment.

"What's the verdict, Doc?"

"You look as if you've been bathed in Chaos and Evil itself," Doctor Strange said tensely.

"That sounds about right," Xander said thoughtfully, "my high school is right on top of the Hellmouth and I've inhaled a lot of vamp dust from making with the staking."

"Also your clothes are both alive and sentient."

"Yeah, a gift from Reed Richards and Spider Man – my very own symbiote."

"There are signs you've been possessed."

"Primal Animal Spirit and one of the New Mutants," Xander explained, "all taken care of, mostly."

"Demonically tainted magical gifts and a soul bond?"

"Copied the New Mutant, Magik's magical gifts. She'll need your help sometime soon; she has a bit of a Demon Lord problem."

"Copied?" Doctor Strange asked, obviously confused.

"It's probably best if I start at the beginning," Xander said before telling his whole story to Doctor Strange, holding nothing back.

**Twenty Minutes Later…**

"If you'd asked me before today, I'd have said nothing could surprise me," Stephen said shaking his head, "well I was complaining that I was a bit bored today; apparently something was listening."

"Does that mean you can help me?" Xander asked hopefully.

"Yes, I'll change the wards so you can enter and I'll see what I can do to help." Strange gestured toward the building and the slight tingle Xander had been feeling vanished.

"Great, I was worried it'd be a lot harder to get home."

"It will be, first we have to cleanse you of all the darkness you've been bathed in and help you get a handle on your magic, otherwise it will react to any attempt to use magic on you to send you home and then who knows where you'll end up."

Xander followed Doctor Strange into his house. "If I must. Is this going to take long?"

**0oOo0**

"Your aim still sucks!" Cannonball yelled as he blasted through the air, scattering a group of pterodactyls.

Mirage dismissed the illusion of a T-Rex she'd used to scare off a pack of velociraptors.

"This felt more sideways and jello than my portals," Magik said thoughtfully.

"I avoid going back in time on our time line," Copycat said, "because that contains the chance of altering things so home isn't ever quite as you left it. If you sidestep a little you can hit an alternate reality and never have to worry about it at all."

Magik's right hand glowed yellow for a moment as she sent a mystic bolt to fry a sparrow sized mosquito. "I didn't know we could do that."

"I like to experiment," he admitted with a grin.

"And of the possible resort vacations, you chose Jurassic Park?" Shadowcat asked while Lockheed messily devoured something.

"No, but it takes a little more concentration to do with any real accuracy and I didn't want anyone to stop us, so I picked this place to stop first," Copycat replied.

"I think it would have been easier to fight off the X-men," Amara said as she raised a small volcano that sent a herd of stegosaurus galloping away.

"We should have been in Antarctica," he argued shaking his head, "a little cold and snow before a nice warm beach."

Wolfbane looked at the red sun overhead. "Well it's not Kansas, that's for sure."

"What are you kids doing here?" a flying black man surrounded by a glowing green aura demanded.

**0oOo0**

Xander finished a large meal of steak and eggs. "I have to say Wong, your cooking is excellent."

"I'm glad you liked it, I picked up that recipe from a truck stop in Ohio."

"Not the kind of cooking I expected, but definitely the kind I love."

"Expected traditional Chinese dishes?" Wong asked, amused.

"No, but that would have been great; I have no idea why but I expected British cooking for some reason."

Wong laughed. "Probably all those movies with British butlers. I learned to cook American food from short order cooks for two reasons."

"Yeah?" Xander asked curiously with a raised eyebrow.

"I can put together a great meal quickly and easily that no one will turn down and it helps make up for all the calories you end up burning off when practicing magic or martial arts."

"Which is good because the cleansing ritual you are about to undergo is exhausting, but it's the fastest way to draw off all the evil that's clinging to you," Doctor Strange said, as he entered the kitchen and accepted his own plate from Wong.

"Ritual?" Xander asked, hoping it wasn't something he could screw up with his usual brand of Harris luck.

"Yes, technically it can be called a ritual, but there are no complex chants or runes so there is a lot less to go wrong; the purpose of this 'ritual' is to let the spirit of Mother Earth draw out all the darkness and aggression from you and put you in a state of peace and contemplation," Strange explained as he wolfed down his meal like he hadn't eaten in days.

"So, what do I do?" Xander asked.

Doctor Strange set a small ivory obelisk on the table. "When you're ready, touch the obelisk and it'll transport you to the forest of C'nebra. You are to bathe yourself in the dew of the lilies of the valley."

"That's all?"

"That's all."

"Should be easy," Xander said confidently as he grabbed the obelisk and vanished.

Xander found himself standing in the middle of a primeval forest with redwoods that towered over any tree he'd ever seen before. "Wow!"

"Glad you like it," came a feminine voice from behind him.

Spinning around he spotted a slender redheaded woman with elfin features and sparkling green eyes, that were a touch feline, standing on the branch of a maple tree, ten feet off the ground.

She was dressed in an outfit that looked to be composed of leaves and was leaning on a spear as she examined him. "My, you're a big one aren't you?"

"Just average Xander-sized," he replied feeling strangely naked.

She dropped off the branch she'd been standing on, doing several flips before landing on the ground with scarcely a stirring of leaves. As she approached, Xander realized she was only about four and a half feet tall.

"Why have you come to my forest? Not that I mind the company."

Giggles surrounded the two as the trees around them filled with leaf covered women.

"I was sent here to bathe in the dew of the lilies," Xander said, memorizing where he was on the off chance he could teleport here using light discs.

"Do you know what a metaphor is?" she asked giving him an appraising look.

"Using one thing to describe another," he said, trying to keep from drooling too obviously.

Suddenly it looked like fall, as the air was filled with falling leaves.

"Oh," Xander said as he realized what was going on.

The naked redhead cocked a hip and grinned up at him. "I think it's going to take a lot of work to coax enough dew from these lilies to completely cover you."

Xander's clothes faded away as he considered the uses for a symbiote he'd suggested to Spider Man earlier. "Nose to the grindstone, that's my motto!"

**0o0o0**

"Nobody knows the troubles I've seen!" The New Mutants sang in a containment cell on the Watchtower.

Beastboy and Raven, two Teen Titans who'd just delivered Terra's stoned form to the Watchtower for Doctor Fate to look at, when he got a chance, stopped outside a force field where the group was singing.

"Dude, what're you in for?" Beastboy asked while Raven stared wide eyed at Magik.

"Either suspicion of smuggling bicycle locks or trespassing in a Wildlife Preserve, we're not sure which," Cypher said as he and Shadowcat rewired the cell's food dispenser.

"What?" Beastboy asked, looking utterly confused.

"I know, that's what I said when the glowing green dick grabbed us," Copycat said with a shrug.

"Green Lantern?" Raven asked.

"I think one of the blonde girls called him GL," Wolfsbane offered.

"You don't know who the Green Lantern is?" Beastboy asked, stunned.

"Sure, he's the dick kidnapping people," Mirage replied, making them all laugh.

"Okay, it's done," Cypher announced.

"Okay, I'll ..." Copycat began but Magik interrupted him.

"I'll go, my aim's better and I can use my soul mate over there to target while you can't," she teased.

"Fine, but remember ..." he began.

"No, anchovies!" the rest chorused.

"You can't go anywhere," Raven stated firmly just before Magik vanished.

"Dude, where'd she go?" Beastboy demanded.

"To get pizza," Amara said, "and glasses now that the drinks machine is fixed."

Raven touched a comm panel, "Raven to Manhunter."

"Manhunter here."

"Why is there a group of teens in the cells?"

"GL found them under the polar icecap, all their ID is fake and even the money they carried was counterfeit – they're being held while we find out who they are."

"One of them just teleported out for pizza and glasses, so you may want to move it up the priority list before they get bored and leave," Raven said dryly.

"Tattletale," Shadowcat teased amused.

"Fake and counterfeit money?" Beastboy asked.

"Nope, all real," Cypher announced.

"Then why would he say they were fake?" Raven asked doubtfully.

"Because they weren't issued by this United States," Copycat said amused.

"You guys aren't from some secret Confederate version of the US waiting to pop out and take over are you?" Beastboy asked suspiciously.

"Don't be ..." Raven began and spun around to stare at them wide eyed.

"Reinforce your shields everyone, looks like we have a 'path," Shadowcat said.

"You mean you really are from a secret Confederate version of the United States looking to restart the Civil War?" Beastboy babbled out.

Amara laughed. "No, but I am the daughter of a Roman senator from what could be considered a secret Rome."

"Incoming!" Copycat announced and stared at a wall.

After half a minute with no response everyone turned to look at him.

"Shadowcat, may I borrow your power?" he asked.

"Feel free," she replied just before he kissed her.

"Okay, got your power," Copycat replied, hoping everyone's shields had held up enough to mask their surprise at his actions, he figured things would be easier if the newcomers thought he needed contact to copy someone's abilities.

Phasing a hand he reached through the wall and pulled a surprised looking green man into the room.

"Do you mind? I was just running your biometric profiles through our system."

"I probably fried the system phasing you through it," Copycat apologized just before Shadowcat grabbed him and kissed him again.

Letting go of Copycat she phased her hand through the table and sat back down.

"Dude, you transfer powers through kissing?" Beastboy asked.

"Is that any stranger than Starfire learning languages through saliva exchange?" Raven asked, a bit amused as Martian Manhunter backed away from Copycat while morphing his own mouth from existence.

"Shapeshifter?" Wolfsbane asked curiously as Manhunter phased through the wall to join Raven and Beastboy in the hall.

Copycat grinned, glad Shadowcat had played along and added an additional apparent weakness to his power, as now he apparently had to steal them and they could retrieve them by kissing him back.

"He can look like anyone," Beastboy said, "I just do animals."

"Are you two related?" Mirage asked curiously.

"Nah, my parents turned me into a green shapeshifter to save my life, Martian Manhunter is actually a green guy from Mars."

"You all have extremely strong telepathic shields," Manhunter complimented them as Magik returned with pizza and cups.

"Dude, where'd you get the pies from?" his right hand already moving to shut down the force field barring the doorway.

Raven slapped his hand away from the controls.

"And wasn't all your money counterfeit?" Manhunter asked.

"There are some great places in Chicago for pizza," Magik explained, "and I stopped by a hospital and used some healing spells in exchange for cash."

"Magic?" Beastboy asked while everyone used the rewired drink dispenser to fill their cups with what smelled to be pina coladas.

"That's my name," Magik replied and shortly they all exchanged code names.

"If you could escape at any time why did you return?" Manhunter asked.

"Sure, I could escape and take everyone with me or Copycat could," Magik began...

"We've exchanged enough saliva that I permanently copied her powers," Copycat quickly said to let her know what was going on.

"And mine," Wolfsbane quickly added, leaning into him as she staked her claim, unwilling to let Magik monopolize him while they were here.

"Two timer?" Raven asked, figuring him for a playboy.

"Ahem!" Cypher said, unwilling to resist the prank potential of this setup.

"I was drunk," Copycat quickly said, while Shadowcat buried her face in her hands and Mirage bit her lip to keep from laughing.

"That explains the first time, but not the next 20!" Cypher teased, fluttering his lashes.

"You man ho!" Raven exclaimed, shocked.

Amara sighed heavily and relied on her family's political training to keep a straight face as she said, "He's the school bike, it's true – we've all ridden him."

Beastboy's eyes took up half his face before the New Mutants couldn't control themselves anymore and they all burst out laughing.

It took a couple of minutes for the laughter to stop as Beastboy had joined in and Raven's lips twitched.

"And the reason you have not escaped?" Manhunter asked as Beastboy beat Raven to the controls and joined them in the cells for pizza.

"We're from a different universe and on vacation," Copycat explained, "and this is a bit more interesting than we had planned for the day anyway."

"Too bad Sunspot couldn't come," Amara said with a sigh.

"He annoyed me so I teleported him to next Tuesday," Copycat explained, "his continual conspiracy theories about me being a super villain out to take over the world was too much to deal with while I waited to see if the time shifted me in the other room was going to die."

"How did things turn out with the magical abomination?" Cannonball asked.

"He wasn't a magical abomination created through a magical drunken orgy for one," Magik said rolling her eyes.

"Oh yeah, you weren't there for that, you were off praying for our souls," Copycat remembered, "turns out he was from an alternate reality where we were comic book characters and he made me up by combining pieces of a bunch of New Mutant outfits for Halloween. Something happened so he became a kinda magical clone of me, and when he was injured he used my powers and reflexes to teleport to the medbay."

"Your lives are even stranger than ours aren't they?" Raven deadpanned.

"What's the difference between a regular orgy and a magical one?" Beastboy asked.

"Tentacles," Copycat and Magik replied as one.

Beastboy opened his mouth, but before he could ask, Mirage put her hand on his arm. "That way lies madness."

"So none of you are trying to smuggle kryptonite; everything you had on you was real just from a parallel universe and you're really only staying here for the amusement value?" Manhunter asked to make sure he had everything right.

"Pretty much, sir," Cannonball said with a sigh.

"I still don't get why you guys are so hung up on bike locks," Cypher said shaking his head.

"Bike locks?" Manhunter asked.

"Kryptonite bike locks?" Cypher asked, "supposed to be the best money can buy?"

"Kryptonite is an element," Manhunter replied.

"Well, where we're from its the name of a company that sells top of the line bike locks, probably trading on its connection to the cartoon character Superman since their motto is 'Stronger than steel'," Cypher explained.

"Superman is a cartoon character?" Raven asked.

"Sure, you know; Superman, Batman, Aquaman, Wonder Woman and Apache Chief, the Justice League."

"Whoa!" Beastboy said.

"You probably haven't heard of it," Cypher said, "a lot of stuff just doesn't exist from one parallel universe to another."

"I don't suppose you can be trusted not to tell everyone their secret identities?" Manhunter asked, knowing this was going to be one hell of a headache.

"You're sitting in the Watchtower, the orbital space station of the Justice League; the only hero I don't recognize and haven't met is Apache Chief," Beastboy offered when the New Mutants just stared at Manhunter in confusion.

**AN: Godogma on keyboards, Dogbertcarroll on vocals.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Copy Cat 6**

Xander appeared in a flash of light and was stopped from falling by a gesture from Doctor Strange, that levitated him a foot above the floor and kept him from dripping on the carpet.

"You look like a glazed donut... no you look like a fly caught in amber," Wong said to the exhausted young man whose face seemed to be stuck in a permanent grin.

"I better get him into the shower before that stuff hardens," Stephen said chuckling. "So how was it?"

"Magical," Xander muttered, barely conscious.

"No, that requires tentacles," Doctor Strange explained as he floated him out of the room.

0oOo0

"We'll keep our lips buttoned on secret identities," Cannonball promised, "just don't let anyone know that we know, otherwise we'll be neck deep in people trying to force the answer from us; possibly by threatening our team mates and our first loyalty is to each other, so it's really not a choice you want us forced into."

"You really should have fake secret identities that you can let get revealed, so they never suspect the real ones," Mirage suggested.

"That's Batman level twisted," Beastboy said shaking his head.

"But not a bad idea," Raven pointed out.

"I'll bring it up at the weekly meeting," Manhunter said. "Would you two mind taking them off our hands?"

Before the two Teen Titans could answer, Galatea entered the room carrying a folder. "All the possible matches we've found for them are dead ends, Batman suggested scanning their minds."

"What's your power hypnotic cleavage?" Copycat burst out, before Wolfsbane and Magik slapped him in the back of his head.

"Ow, okay I deserved that, but truthfully, show of hands – how many people thought that when they first saw her?" Copycat asked, raising his hand.

Cypher and Shadowcat raised their hands, followed by Amara and Beastboy.

Copycat got another dual smack to the back of the head and Raven smacked Beastboy.

Galatea rolled her eyes.

"I'm releasing them to the Titans, just don't let him kiss you," Manhunter said, pointing at Copycat before vanishing through the ceiling.

"Why do you think I'd kiss you after one compliment?" Galatea asked.

"I'm just that smooth," Copycat said, wiggling an eyebrow in her direction and making everyone laugh.

"Compliment?" Raven snorted.

"It wasn't meant to be one?" she asked.

"It was completely meant to be one," Copycat assured her, "it was a bit cruder than I meant to put it though. A more polite way to say it would be 'you have amazing breasts and I'm sure you could use them to bend anyone who had the slightest attraction to the female gender to your will'."

"Thank you," Galatea said, blushing cutely, "but that still doesn't explain his comment."

"He was warning you that kissing him would transfer your powers to him until you manage to kiss him again," Raven explained.

"Really?" Galatea asked curiously.

"Some guys can take your breath away with a kiss, I'm so good I take your powers away as well," Copycat said but was unable to keep a straight face and burst out laughing along with the rest of the New Mutants.

"It'd be an interesting experience," she said thoughtfully, "guys are hesitant to approach me due to my great strength, so my only memories of kissing are implanted ones."

"Who wants me to kiss her right now, show of hands?" Copycat asked but found his own hands being held down by Magik and Wolfsbane.

Cypher was likewise handicapped by Shadowcat.

Cannonball looked at Amara and Mirage. "No one is going to stop me from raising my hands?"

"I'd stop Sunspot," Amara said thoughtfully.

Mirage shook her head. "Nah, it'll be good for you – you really need to loosen up a bit."

Cannonball stepped forward shyly, blushing bright red much to Galatea's amusement as he wrapped his arms around her like she was made of fine china and hesitantly initiated a kiss that the two quickly got swept up in.

After a minute or two of watching, Magik nudged Copycat. "You could bring Sunspot here, you know?"

"Well yeah, but I'd have to return to our normal universe, jump forward a week and grab him and you know my aim is a bit iffy."

"Actually," Magik corrected him, "since you were sending him forward he's still in transition, so all you have to do is feel for that particular light disc and pull it to you instead."

Amara gave Copycat her best pleading expression and he folded. "Fine, walk me through it and as soon as those two are done kissing I'll try it."

"Why wait?" Beastboy asked curiously.

"He was pissed when I teleported him away, because I dropped him in the pool first, but seriously the next time he pulls that shit when I've got a close relative dying in the next room I'm sending him somewhere he won't like."

"He might've been trying to distract you," Mirage pointed out, "he's usually not that big a dick."

Copycat frowned. "Okay, maybe I was a bit harsh."

Cannonball finally stepped back from Galatea to take a breath.

"Wow," came their simultaneous summation.

"Is kissing always like that?" Galatea asked.

"Cannonball has a work ethic that most people these days lack," Cypher said, "he's always told me anything you do you should do whole hog."

"I feel the urge to compliment you," Galatea said looking him up and down. "You have an enormous cock."

Cannonball turned bright red.

"Too much?" Galatea asked.

"Heart felt, but a bit too crude," Magik suggested, "think suave."

Galatea nodded and looked Cannonball straight in the eye. "You have a gorgeous penis and the things it makes me want to do to you are only illegal in Islamic countries."

Cannonball fell over unconscious, and Mirage caught him and lowered him to the floor.

"Still too much?" Galatea asked.

"That was just about perfect," Copycat assured her, "look at the smile on his face."

"I think he was just overwhelmed by your sincerity," Cypher nodded.

"Sunspot, please?" Amara begged.

"Okay, you remember how it felt when you made the light disc to send him forward?" Magik asked.

"Yeah, I was concentrating on a date rather than a place," Copycat replied thoughtfully, "so it was all spin on one side.

"Okay, now try and recreate that feeling but pull blue."

"Pull blue?" Galatea asked.

"It only makes sense to them," Cypher said, "I can translate any language almost instantly but when I translating those two all I get is static."

A disc of light appeared, dropping an angry Sunspot in the center of the room.

Glowing black he angrily turned and started toward Copycat when Galatea grabbed his shoulder and his powers shut off like someone had flipped a switch.

"Calm down," Galatea ordered.

"What?" he replied before turning around. "Whoa, hypnotic cleavage."

"Yes, vindication!" Copycat shouted, waving his fist in the air.

"What did I miss?" Sunspot asked, confused. "And how did you suck all the solar power I had stored out of me?" he continued with a raised eyebrow at Galatea.

"I have all the standard Kryptonian powers," Galatea said, "superhuman speed, strength, invulnerability, heat vision, x-ray vision..."

"X-ray vision?" Copycat said perking up.

"If I get breast cancer I am so suing you," Shadowcat groaned seeing where this was headed.

"It's not really x-ray vision, that's just what it was named. It allows Kryptonians to see through anything but lead, by perceiving particles well outside most species visual range."

"Eeep!" Wolfsbane quickly hid behind Copycat, blushing bright red.

"I don't have it on right now," Galatea said.

"I'm not hiding from you!" Wolfsbane said, hiding directly behind Copycat. "Your powers don't give you eyes in the back of your head do they?"

"No."

"Good!"

"Back to the power drain," Sunspot suggested.

"Kryptonian powers are powered by sunlight," she explained.

"Ohh!" Sunspot said. "So it's kinda involuntary?"

"Yep, feels like I just drank a pot of coffee."

"How do you activate the various vision thingies?" Copycat asked curiously.

"Heat vision requires lustful thoughts the first couple of uses before you get a feel for it," Galatea said thoughtfully, "x-ray vision just requires letting your eyes relax and open … it's a natural reflex and hard to explain."

Copycat's eyes suddenly glowed red sending two red lances of energy into the wall and he quickly clenched his eyes shut.

"You have my powers?" Galatea asked in shock. "I didn't kiss you!" She floated off the ground for a moment. "I still have my powers."

"He doesn't have to kiss someone to copy their powers, he just has to have close physical contact for a couple of minutes," Sunspot said confused.

"What?" Beastboy and Raven shouted.

"Actually I just have to be within a half mile of them, the kissing and cuddling thing was a joke. Now how do I turn off the eye lasers?" he asked, eyes still tightly shut.

"Just stop thinking lustful thoughts," Galatea advised, causing all the New Mutants to burst out laughing.

"We'll get you a visor like Cyclops," Magik promised.

"He's a teenage male with hormonal issues," Shadowcat explained, "I think the only time he's not thinking lustful thoughts is when he's asleep."

Cypher shook his head, "As his roommate, with the ability to translate any language including nocturnal mumblings, I can assure you he's still thinking lustful thoughts when he's asleep."

Amara took Sunspot aside and explained what was going on.

"We should have packed first, or at least brought my yacht," Sunspot said once he was up to date.

"I don't think I can move an entire yacht," Copycat said. "Magik?"

"I've moved a van once, maybe if we combined our powers."

"Worth a shot, but we might cut a large chunk out of the yacht; then again Sunspot is rich."

"Ack! No cutting chunks out of my baby!" Sunspot yelled.

"How powerful are you?" Raven asked Copycat.

"I can copy five sets of powers at a time," Copycat said. "I keep three slots permanently filled with my team mate's powers and keep two open to play with."

"Which three?" Beastboy asked.

"Cypher because communication solves a lot of problems and his power lets me understand any language."

"It also lets us watch anime without waiting for dubs," Cypher added.

"Cool," Beastboy said impressed.

"Magik, because teleporting anywhere and any when you want is great, and magic abilities are very versatile."

"His aim sucks, but he experiments more with his powers than I do."

"And Wolfsbane because being a werewolf kicks ass."

"Not a supernatural one," Wolfsbane quickly explained. "I have no problem with the full moon or silver, but I can change into a wolf and hybrid forms."

Beastboy changed into a green wolf.

Wolfsbane changed into her wolf form then slowly shifted into what Wolverine had described as her Lon Chaney impression.

Beastboy changed back into himself. "I can't do halfway changes, just full ones."

"And what two have you picked up here?" Raven asked.

"The Martian and Galatea," Copycat said, keeping his eyes closed, but grinning widely.

"That's a lot of power and without training you could REALLY hurt someone by accident," Raven said.

"The only new thing is the vision powers," Copycat said, "the senses are a lot sharper than I'm used to but being a werewolf teaches you a lot about advanced senses."

"What about the strength?" Beastboy asked.

"I've been stronger," Copycat waved it off.

"Dude, seriously?" Beastboy asked, wondering who could be stronger than Martian Manhunter and Galatea combined.

The girls all groaned as Copycat smirked.

"He got in a pissing match with the Hulk," Cypher explained.

"Who's the Hulk?" Raven asked.

"The two most physically powerful people on the face of our earth are the Hulk and the Juggernaut," Magik explained. "We don't know which is more powerful, as they've never met. The Juggernaut is unstoppable by physical means, but a strong telepath or enough drugs can knock him out. He got his powers from touching a magic ruby."

"The Hulk is stronger," Copycat said, not a shred of doubt in his voice.

"How do you know? You haven't copied the Juggernaut," Sunspot pointed out.

"The Juggernaut is powered by a dark god, I avoid copying anyone powered by dark anything," Copycat began.

"What about Magik?" Cannonball asked tactlessly, "errr I mean..."

"I was kidnapped and forcibly empowered by a demon lord who wanted to do bad things to me," Magik explained, "I thought I'd killed him but it looks like I'll need some help to permanently do that."

"Yep, and I decided that one dark power is enough – anyway the Hulk is tapping into pure rage. If he gets mad enough nothing can stop him, he's bitch slapped Thor to the ground; and when you can give the pimp hand to the God of Thunder …" Copycat trailed off, shaking his head.

"You guys have gods walking around?" Beastboy asked, wide eyed.

"A couple, but back to the story …" Copycat began and the girls groaned.

"What's wrong with his story?" Galatea asked.

"I told you, they got into a pissing match," Cypher said.

"So who won the fight?" Beastboy asked.

"There was no fight," Copycat smirked.

Magik sighed. "Copycat copied his powers and became a nine foot tall green mountain of muscle, destroying everything he was wearing so he was naked."

"I had to pee before the Hulk showed up," Copycat explained.

"The Hulk transforms from a wimpy little scientist into a towering behemoth of rage, amplifying what he was by an order of magnitude," Cypher explained.

"Not only am I better built than a wimpy little scientist, I am also better hung," Copycat smirked.

"Don't tell me," Raven said looking a little green herself.

"You know how guys will write their name in snow?" Cypher asked, "Well Copycat wrote his name in the concrete."

"Dude!" Beastboy stared wide eyed.

Copycat took a deep breath and all the New Mutants plugged their ears just before he roared out, "Copycat's urethra is strongest one there is!"

Beastboy, Raven and Galatea just started in shock and horror.

"And every time he tells the story he yells that," Cypher sighed.

"I scared off the Hulk with my manhood, I am never going to stop telling that story," Copycat said proudly.

"I still say it's because you confused him and he couldn't remember how to spell Hulk," Sunspot muttered.

**0o0 Intermission 0o0**

"I just know something horrible has happened to him," Willow worried.

"We don't know that for sure," Buffy tried to reassure her, "all we know is that the spell ending was painful for him and he teleported away to avoid it. He's probably still recovering from all the energy he used up transforming like Giles suggested."

"I hope you're right," Willow sighed as they entered the library.

"Has Xander showed up yet?" Giles asked as they entered the library.

"Not yet, we've checked everywhere we could think of and nothing," Buffy replied.

"If he hasn't shown up by tonight I'll try and scry for him," Giles replied, "now have either of you noticed any side effects from last night's events?"

"I can speak several languages," Buffy said uncomfortably. "I can remember being an old timey noble woman when peasants were considered less than human."

"Do you feel like she's still inside you?" Giles asked.

"No, that was completely wigsome, but she's gone now," Buffy assured him, "all I've got is a head full of old memories and a lingering attraction to short guys."

"Short guys?" Willow asked.

"Yeah, my size or shorter, so I'm not always craning my neck to look them in the eyes," Buffy said.

"Well, that seems reasonable, Willow?" Giles asked.

"I still like 'em tall and sorta goofy," Willow admitted.

Giles sighed. "I mean are there any leftovers from the spell last night?"

"I'm not walking through things anymore and the sword and armor vanished last night," Willow said.

"Any idea where they came from?" Giles asked.

"None, I couldn't touch anything and Buffy couldn't defend herself," Willow declared, getting worked up, "and I was praying really hard for ..."

There was a flash of light and Willow was suddenly wearing a pair of boots and a chain mail loincloth, a silver gauntlet on her left hand and a gleaming silver sword in her right that practically glowed.

"Yeah, just like that," Willow said in shock.

Buffy reached out but her hand passed through the blade. "It kinda tingles."

Willow tapped it with a gauntleted finger. "Feels solid to me."

"It was cutting through vamps like nobody's business last night," Buffy said.

"A-and the armor was different last night, i-it was an entire sleeve and a shoulder," Willow stuttered out.

"This is completely beyond my experience," Giles said as he cautiously passed his hand through the blade.

"Xander turned into a teleporting werewolf and I get a big shiny silver blade." Willow said. "It's strange, but the sword feels like Xander a bit."

"I thought Xander turned into a wolf," Giles said.

"Yeah, boy into wolf, werewolf," Willow said.

"Werewolves don't actually turn into wolves, they turn into mindless beasts that are a combination of man and wolf," Giles said, "only in fairy tales..." his voice trailed off, "oh dear."

"What?" Willow and Buffy asked nervously as he took off his glasses and cleaned them.

"In fairy tales, things have a narrative balance; for every evil dragon there is a knight, for every witch there is a pail of water, for every big bad wolf …"

"There's a grandmother?" Willow asked hopefully.

"There is a wood cutter," Buffy said softly.

"But he wasn't a big bad wolf!" Willow burst out, "I told him what to do and he listened to me."

"He guarded and listened to me too," Buffy pointed out.

"Did you tell him to guard Buffy?" Giles asked.

"Yeah, just before I came to get you."

"Then it could be the silver sword controls the wolf, I'm not sure but I believe they are connected, just whatever you do don't touch Xander with the sword until we find out for sure it won't have any negative effects on him."

"How do I ..." Willow began and the sword and armor vanished. "I was wondering how to put it back where I got it."

"So you can will it away and call it back at need?" Giles asked.

"I guess so," Willow said, making it appear and vanish.

"That's handy at least," Buffy said.

0oOo0

**After school…**

"Okay, school's out get with the scrying," Buffy ordered, bursting into the library with Willow in tow.

Giles sighed at Buffy's impatience. "I need moonlight to scry, that's why I said tonight and not after school."

"Oh," Buffy said deflating. "I don't suppose you have anything constructive we can do until then?"

"Constructive?" Giles asked.

"I know I'd normally avoid it like the plague, but anything is better than just sitting around and waiting while Willow gets twitchier."

"I'm not twitchy!" Willow exclaimed.

"You summoned the sword and almost took a swing at Cordelia," Buffy pointed out.

"That was at lunch, I blame low blood sugar and the fact that she's a bitch," Willow said, growling the last bit.

"Something constructive you said?" Giles asked pleasantly, searching the stacks to give himself time to figure something out.

"Got anything on werewolves?" Buffy asked. "Knowing a little more about them couldn't hurt."

"I have just the thing," Giles said, retrieving a large tome from his office and handing it off to Buffy.

Giles gave a sigh of relief as the two quickly became absorbed in the book, and racked his mind for something else to have them do when they finished reading.

0oOo0

**That night... **

"There's syrup all over the hilt of the sword," Willow said confused.

"Syrup?" Buffy asked curiously as the vampires that had confronted them fled.

Willow sniffed the hilt and then took a tentative taste. "Maple syrup with a hint of honey."

Buffy stuck a finger through the hilt and pulled it back covered in syrup, and sniffed it carefully before sucking her finger clean. "Think it has something to do with Xander?"

Willow shrugged, dismissing the sword and looking at the mess on her hand. "Maybe he was eating pancakes."

Buffy nodded. "That makes sense, I think there was a little salty butter on mine." She looked up at the sky. "Okay, we've questioned some people, killed some demons, and learned a lot about werewolves, which may or may not be useful; let's go bug, Giles."

0oOo0

**After a long involved ceremony that left all of them covered in feathers, chalk, blood and ashes … **

"All that for a single image?" Buffy demanded shrilly.

Giles puffed away on his Cuban cigar and took a long drag of rum before replying, "He's healthy and human, looks freshly scrubbed, and appears to be sleeping soundly."

"New York, he's somewhere in New York," Willow said happily.

"I thought we'd get to talk to him or something," Buffy grumbled as she picked chicken feathers from her hair.

"Scrying just lets you see something; it's not like using the phone," Willow said.

"Not that I'm not glad he's safe," Buffy defended herself, "but this is the last time I do any ritual that requires me to wear little more than a bikini, blood and feathers."

Giles nodded and tried not to stumble as they left the graveyard, wondering why they had felt the need to dress like that. 'I might have had a bit too much ceremonial rum,' he thought to himself absently taking another swig.

**AN: Typing by… guess who?**


	7. Chapter 7

Robin awoke to find Starfire in his room shaking him, "Star?"

Starfire, just like Earth's resident Kryptonians, tended to rise with the sun while the rest of the Titan's slept in, finding that crime was rarely an early morning affair.

"There is a naked man I do not know on the sundeck," Starfire explained, a bit upset that a stranger was hogging her favorite deck chair and wondering if this meant she could remove her clothes as well. Tamarians drew their power from the sun, leading to a culture that had little use for clothing beyond ornamentation.

Robin bounced out of bed wearing nothing more than a pair of white boxers and his ever-present mask, grabbing his collapsible staff and utility belt he ran out the door, leaving Starfire wondering why he was in such a hurry.

Starfire floated after him at a leisurely pace, wearing the smallest bikini she could get away with herself.

"Who are you?" Robin demanded as soon as he reached the sundeck. "How did you get here? Why are you here?"

Sunspot just raised an eyebrow. "Sunspot, teleporter, vacation and shouldn't you put on some clothes before you get arrested for indecent exposure?"

"Like you're one to talk!" Robin growled.

"My speedo is perfectly legal," Sunspot replied, "those boxers aren't, and I ain't even going to ask why you were wearing a tool belt and a mask with them. Seriously man, it looks like you were in the middle of some kinky sex game where you were the plumber/burglar."

Starfire floated onto the sundeck. "Can you please move? You're in my seat," she asked politely, a little more sure of herself with a friend nearby.

"Oh, sorry about that," Sunspot said, moving to the next deck chair, "a blonde girl with hypnotic cleavage..."

"Galatea?" Starfire interrupted, "she has very large … I believe Beastboy called them produce of some type, squash maybe? And she wears all white."

"That's the one," Sunspot agreed, "she drained all my stored solar energy at a touch so the urge to catch some rays was strong enough to wake me up. Raven told me last night this would be the best place to get some sun."

"Friend Raven brought a boy home?" Starfire asked excitedly, "Are you two dating?"

"Me? She brought my entire team here last night from some orbiting satellite thing, I think you guys were out at the time."

"Yes, a villain with a great deal of confections tried to hold St. Mary's Orphanage hostage …." Starfire began explaining.

"The Pie Man," Robin added.

"We were developing a plan so as to avoid hurting the children, but by the time we managed to enter …" Starfire looked upset as she trailed off.

"The children?" Sunspot asked softly.

"Indeed, what they had done to that poor man was unthinkable!"

"Fortunately their ransom demand was a lot easier to fill," Robin said, "cyborg fixed their soft serve ice cream machine and I adjusted their satellite dish to pick up Showtime and they were happy."

"I do not think the Pie Man wishes to be a villain anymore," Starfire said, "or to have children either. I did not realize human children were so vicious."

"Only in groups," Sunspot shook his head, "individually they can be little angels."

"I'm going back to bed," Robin announced, deciding he could find out the details later as he trusted that Raven's emphatic abilities would let her know if Sunspot and his friends were up to something.

0oOo0

Reed looked up from his paper as Peter and Johnny came in. "Good morning, what have you two been up to? A simple run to Mexico shouldn't have taken all night."

"After hearing JJ's attempt at Spanish we decided to smuggle him into Canada instead, I'm pretty sure a war with Mexico is the last thing we need," Peter said.

"And we made a couple of stops on the way back to establish the Spider's identity." Johnny smirked. "Foiled some crimes across the US heading for New York."

Peter's symbiote covered him for a moment before shifting to his new costume design, with a gold spider in place of his black one while his mask shifted to cover from his hairline to his mouth revealing a blonde Russian featured face with a hint of a tattoo rising above the left side of his neck. "The Spider is obviously not Spider Man, da?" he asked in a fake Russian accent. "Also mask covers less so is less suspicious to people like what run newspapers."

Reed merely chuckled.

"Where is everybody?" Johnny asked, looking around.

"Sue is doing something with Alicia; I heard the words fashion and fall clothing and used a personal teleporter to escape," Reed said.

"You created a personal teleporter?" Peter asked.

"No, Doom left it here the last time he attacked – or his robot duplicate did; I was never sure about that," Reed intoned before taking a sip of coffee.

"You used something that Doom may have booby trapped rather than go shopping?" Johnny asked incredulously.

"Sue is teaching Alicia about color and fashion now that she can see, while Alicia is explaining the subtleties she used to measure clothes while she was blind – what would you have chosen?"

"Good point," Peter agreed.

"So, where did you teleport to?"

"Doom's castle," Reed replied. "I explained what was going on and he was surprisingly understanding, but insisted I face it like a man and used his personal override to teleport us back."

"How'd you escape?" Peter asked.

"I merely pointed out that I had not the skills needed, while Doom was a ruler who had shown he was my superior in all areas of artistic merit," Reed said with a smirk.

"I thought the symbiote would negate the need for clothes shopping?" Johnny asked.

"Apparently they need to show Alicia what the clothes look like and see what the latest fashion trends are," Reed explained.

0oOo0

"Foolish peasant," Doom roared, "it is obvious that the dear Alicia is a fall not a winter!"

Janet van Dyne, aka the Wasp member of the Avengers had been sneaking up on Doom in Wasp form, to free the two women he had hostage, stopped and reconsidered the situation, and morphing back to full size she offered her own opinion, as she was a famous fashion designer, "True she is definitely a fall, but the tailor isn't completely wrong, some winter accents on a fall ensemble would look wonderful on her."

Doom tapped the chin on his mask absently, apparently unsurprised at the Avenger's sudden appearance. "Doom has to admit that your idea has merit, perhaps some highlights in her hair to enhance the effect."

0oOo0

"Okay, now that evil is cleansed from you," Doctor Strange began only to have Xander interrupt.

"That actually cleansed me of all the evil I've been exposed to?"

"Think of it this way, you've been exposed to the radiation of the Hellmouth but you've never been inside it, the Lilly's are a physical manifestation of the love Gaea has for all her children so they could be considered..."

"A whole bunch of tiny heavenly mouths?" Xander asked, a far off look in his eye.

"That's one way of putting it," Stephen replied with a smirk.

"What about the chaos?" Xander asked.

Stephen shrugged. "Chaos is part of life, neither good nor bad, it simply is."

"So it won't be a problem?" Xander asked hopefully.

"Of course it will," Stephen replied, far too cheerfully in Xander's opinion, "but that's what training is for."

0oOo0

Xander rang the doorbell to the mansion, feeling a slight tingle from his spider sense as dozens of sensors scanned him. He ran a hand through his short red hair as he waited, knowing it probably wouldn't be Jarvis answering the door, as they wouldn't find any records of Xander in their system.

Iron Man answered the door, "Can I help you?" he asked, a slight metallic ring in his voice as his armor moderated his tone to prevent anyone from discovering his identity.

"Doctor Strange sent me to talk to Wanda about controlling my magical gifts," Xander replied.

Iron Man's head tilted to the side as he considered that, his immobile metal mask giving nothing away. "I'll see if she's available," he replied gesturing Xander inside.

Xander was impressed at the mansion's interior and didn't bother trying to hide it, "Wow."

"Be it ever so humble," Iron Man began.

"Which this isn't, unless you come from Midas' castle," Xander interrupted.

There was a metallic chuckle from Iron Man. "Wanda is a bit busy at the moment, would you like some tea while you wait?"

"That would be great," Xander replied, he wasn't a big tea drinker himself, but a chance to eat cookies and drink tea in the Avengers mansion made by Jarvis wasn't something he was going to pass up.

Left in a sitting room that probably cost more than the Chase's entire mansion, Xander sat quietly for about five seconds, before deciding to see if Stark really had wired the place up as much as Xander expected. He said, "TV." A six foot tall monitor popped up from the floor in front of the fireplace.

"Bugs Bunny and Road Runner show," Xander requested and sank back into the chair watching a near life sized version of his favorite cartoons.

Iron Man came back with a cart loaded with a pot of tea, a pot of coffee and a great deal of cookies and confections.

"Thanks," Xander said while helping himself to a handful of cookies and some tea. Taking a sip he frowned. "Did Jarvis make this?"

"Yes, why?"

"I've drank British tea before and this ain't it. I don't suppose you have some high tech method for detecting Skrulls, Pod People, LMDs, and such?"

"The security system would warn us of anything like that," Iron Man assured him.

Xander took another sip of tea. "Computer, locate Jarvis."

"Jarvis is in the kitchen," the computer began.

"See?" Iron Man said.

"Jarvis is in the closet in his room," the computer finished.

"How long has he been in the closet?" Xander asked.

"Three hours, twelve minutes, thirty one seconds."

"Evil twin, programmed clone, magical simulacrum," Xander began listing off before Iron Man rushed from the room.

Shrugging Xander returned to eating the cookies and watching cartoons.

The sounds of battle rang out and Xander was sure he heard several people running past, but he simply turned up the volume on the gigantic television and waited.

After about half an hour Thor came in and sat down. "I was unaware we had company beyond the Super Skrull."

"Name's Xander, Doctor Strange sent me to train with Wanda."

"A mage?" Thor asked. "Why didst thou not join in the battle?"

"Seeing how he kidnapped Jarvis I figured you guys had dibs on him and since I hadn't trained with you I'd just get in the way anyway."

"Well reasoned," Thor acknowledged, accepting Xander's reason for not joining the battle, as he claimed a small handful of muffins.

"Do you mind if I imitate you?" Xander asked, wanting to see if he could copy Thor's powers, but trying to use a more innocuous term.

"Imitate?" Thor asked curiously.

Xander nodded. "I'm curious as to what it feels like to be you and I wanted to see if I could actually imitate an Asgardian."

"Is it anything like what the Skrull did?" Thor asked.

"I don't shape change into people, it's more mirroring attributes than looks," Xander explained.

"I admit, I'd be curious to see that myself," Thor said thoughtfully. "How would we proceed?"

"All I have to do is shake your hand," Xander explained, "but first I have to release one of the power sets I'm imitating right now."

Xander decided to release Wolfbane's power, as he fought a lot more than Michael did and while useful, it just didn't compare to Spider Man, Maddrox, or Thor, but found he was unable to.

He tried Cypher's real fast and found that wasn't about to budge either. He'd had to release the Thing's power to copy Spider Man's, so he was guessing the first three powers were hard wired in by the magic that had changed him in the first place. He was reluctant to release Spider Man's, but he could probably get Peter's permission to copy it again later and Maddrox was a whole other kettle of fish.

He was preparing to release Spider Man's set when he felt disagreement from something besides the usual voices in his head.

It suddenly hit him, he'd copied Spider Man's altered physiology which meant his symbiote was developing just like Peter's.

'Okay, new plan,' Xander decided, he'd just have to release Maddrox's power, sure it was useful, especially in an orgy … He cursed himself mentally for not having thought of that earlier, but Thor's power was on a whole other level.

Reluctantly, especially with the new uses he was thinking of for the power, Xander let the duplicated ability fade and opened his eyes. "Ready?" he asked holding out a hand.

Thor clasped his hand and Xander's eyes shot wide open as the power hit him like a bolt of lightning. Xander gained at least a foot of height and he was doubly glad of his symbiote as it expanded with him. "Wow!"

"You look a bit like I did in my youth," Thor decided, "before my hair turned blonde and I gained my full measure of strength."

Xander ran his hand through his now curly red locks. "I do still have some growing left to do," Xander said and chuckled at finding his voice a bit deeper. "Somehow I just don't see Buffy as saying she considers me one of the girls now."

Thor nodded. "Did you know your shirt is eating all the brownies?"

Xander glanced down and saw that the bottom of his shirt was stretched out toward the brownies and was stuffing it into itself. "He had to grow to keep up with me, so naturally he's a bit hungry."

The Scarlet Witch came in and sat down just as his shirt reached out and picked up the coffee pot, pouring the entire thing into his shirt pocket.

"Okay, now that I've never seen before," Wanda said. "I know Doctor Strange has a cape of levitation that sometimes acts like it's alive, but even it doesn't drink coffee."

"My clothes are alive and developing a mind of their own," Xander explained, "it's just a child right now but it's maturing rapidly."

"How did that happen?" she asked curiously.

"Well, I kept losing my clothes when I turned into a wolf, so Reed gave me a living suit."

"Thou art," Thor began, but Wanda cleared her throat and he broke off what he was saying. "You are a werewolf?" he tried again, gaining a smile from Wanda.

"Yeah, but not because I was bitten by one; the man I'm a kind of magical clone of copied a friend's mutant power to turn into a wolf. No special powers or weaknesses, just an ordinary wolf."

"Maybe you should start at the beginning," Iron Man suggested as he, Captain America, She Hulk, and the Black Widow came in and sat down.

"Sure, if you don't mind telling me all your secrets as well," Xander said pleasantly.

"What?" Iron Man asked, a bit surprised as he wasn't used to people turning him down.

"I didn't come here to request anything from the Avengers," Xander explained. "I'm here because Doctor Strange sent me to talk to Wanda, so asking for all my secrets without offering the same in return is not only high handed it's incredibly rude."

"It doesn't have anything to do with Jarvis?" Captain America asked.

"No, I just noticed the tea was off and since tea is almost a religious observance to the British I figured something was up."

"The odds," Iron Man began...

"Wanda, what's your magical specialty and why would Doctor Strange send me to you?" Xander interrupted.

"I specialize in Chaos Magic," Wanda said and began to chuckle. "Yeah I can see why odds would be 'odd' around you. Mind if I cast a Chaos detection spell on you? I want to see what we're working with here."

"What will it do?"

"Glow based on the amount of Chaos in you, I for instance can light up a room."

"Better get some sunglasses then," Xander suggested closing his eyes. "Okay, hit me!"

Wanda cast the spell and the world turned white.

"I think I'm blind," Black Widow said conversationally.

"Sunburned here," Captain America spoke up.

"I had to switch to sonar," Iron Man said, "my optics burnt out."

"Wow," Wanda added.

"Veri … that was some light show," Thor corrected himself.

"Thank god for gamma enhanced healing, my vision is coming back," She Hulk said fervently. "Why are you naked? Not that I don't appreciate the view."

"Because my clothes were frightened by the light and Tony's sonics hurt it, so it's hiding under my chair."

"Tony's sonics?" She Hulk asked carefully.

"Didn't he build the suit?" Xander asked, grabbing one of the remaining blueberry muffins and trying to sound innocent to cover up his slip.

"His company did anyway," Black Widow acknowledged, covering for Tony.

"So your clothes are easily scared and dislike high pitched noises?" Wanda asked, trying not to laugh.

"They also just stole all the jelly filled doughnuts," She Hulk said with a smirk, still eying Xander.

"Would you mind switching to backups or something?" Xander asked. "Because I'd like to get dressed before everyone's eyesight comes back."

"Too late!" Wanda announced cheerfully.

"Tit for tat," Xander declared, "everyone strip!"

Wolverine stepped into the room and paused. "Is this what you guys do when I'm not around?" he asked, taking in the naked Xander and seeing Black Widow and She Hulk disrobe.

"Hey Wolvie," Xander said, "did you get the chip out of your head yet?"

"You heard the man, get naked or get out!" She Hulk declared, refusing to back down from the challenge.

Logan refused to back down either, lighting a cigar and shedding his clothes while ignoring Xander's question.

"I'm declaring a retreat!" Captain America called as he left.

"I have to protect my secret identity," Iron Man said, walking out.

Thor stripped easily.

Wanda stood up. "I'm a tad more modest, and married. I'll meat … I mean meet with you later."

"Now we need beer, pretzels, a deck of cards …" Xander paused as his symbiote rejoined him and faded from sight, "a bag of potatoes and a pot of coffee."

"What are the potatoes for?" Wolverine asked.

"My clothes are still hungry."

**AN: Typing by Godogma!**


	8. Chapter 8

"Your clothes are hungry?" Wolverine asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Picked up a living suit from Reed Richards," Xander explained.

"And the reason you look like you cornered the market on steroids since I last saw you?"

"I wanted to see what it was like to be an Asgardian, so I asked Thor for permission to see if I could use my power to duplicate his."

"You're not nearly his size," Wolverine pointed out before blowing a smoke ring.

"I am not fully grown, though he is and part of his power is from magic items he's won in battle, things that I can't copy. I'm just as powerful as a young adult Asgardian of his lineage would be; not as powerful as a young Thor God of Thunder. That would take Odin's blessing and a fair amount of godly regalia."

"You are wise for one so young," Thor said proudly, as the boy was one of his lineage at the moment even if not born to it.

Xander nodded his head, accepting Thor's compliment as refusing it would probably be considered an insult in Asgardian culture for all he knew.

Jarvis came in and quickly set up a poker table for the group as well as a large amount of snacks along with a couple bags of potatoes, and a couple of pots of coffee as well as one of tea.

Taking seats around the table the naked heroes made themselves comfortable as Wolverine quickly dealt them all five cards from a large deck made up of ten decks to prevent Tony, Natasha, and Logan from counting the cards while playing.

Xander took a sip of the tea and frowned. "The Super Skrull made tea just like this."

"Skrull's are very picky about their tea, it's almost a religious observance."

Xander decided not to worry about it; so – he exposed a plot because Giles made a better cup of tea than Jarvis, it was still foiled either way.

"So, why do you need Wanda's help?" She-Hulk asked curiously as she examined her cards.

"What info you got to trade for that?" Xander asked with a grin.

"I'm topless," she replied with a smirk.

"That is a very good point, two of them in fact; okay for the sake of your breasts I'll give you a freebie," Xander agreed, "but only one; thanks to the prank of a Chaos Mage I'm on the wrong Earth and I have to learn to deal with the Chaos I am now filled with before I have a chance of getting home."

"How can you be sure this is the wrong one?" Thor asked.

"A serious lack of vampires, for one. Why, I've heard you can walk the streets at night and not end up a statistic where the police list your cause of death as 'Gangs on PCP' or 'Accidental Impalement with a Barbecue Fork'."

"And you want to go back to that?" She-Hulk asked incredulously.

"My friends need me and the Mouth of Hell just happens to be my home; besides if I don't go back who's going to be there to make sure that Willow doesn't bury herself in school work and Buffy doesn't get all depressed? If I don't go back Angel may actually smile and we can't have that!"

"Angel?" Natasha asked.

"A broody centuries old vampire, cursed with a soul, who has a thing for Buffy. Mostly he just makes cryptic comments about cryptic events and leaves us to do the fighting."

"I take it you don't like him?" She-Hulk smirked with a raised eyebrow.

"Like a guy older than my great grandfather who is trying to date and underage girl? I don't believe I do, why do you ask?" Xander asked as innocently as possible, making her laugh.

"Remind me to find thee ..." Thor began.

"Ahem," She-Hulk cleared her throat.

"I mean remind me to find you the hammer I carved for troll hunting, the back side has a spike that's pretty handy for dealing with vermin like that," Thor said.

"Carved?" Xander asked.

"I had a bit of a troll problem one year, and troll blood stains metal. Since I didn't want to sully Mjolnir I carved a hammer from the strongest wood I could find and used it to clear the vermin from my wine cellar."

She-Hulk and Widow exchanged glances and mouthed the words, 'Wine Cellar?' but didn't say anything while Xander asked, "So, troll blood doesn't stain wood?"

"Oh no, it stains it so badly that the hammer drips troll blood still and I haven't killed one in the last century," Thor explained, "but that just makes it more effective at demoralizing your foes! Just remember to wear clothes you don't mind getting stained and don't walk through the house with it or you'll never hear the end of it." Thor continued, shaking his head.

"And on that note, I'd suggest a good pair of goggles for eye protection because blood in your eyes makes it hard to see," Widow said.

A pair of heavy safety goggles formed on Xander's face.

"I generally just blink until my eyes clear," Thor said, "it takes too long to clean off glasses in the middle of battle."

Wipers formed on the glasses and gave a quick couple of swipes before fading away again.

"You and Michael are two of the strangest people I've ever met," Wolverine declared, shaking his head.

0oOo0

"Seriously, greatest fear?" Cyborg asked doubtfully.

"Not a good idea man," Cypher warned him.

Cyborg shook his head. "Like Rae Rae once said, I don't do fear."

"Yeah and look how well that turned out," Raven deadpanned.

"Logic beats fear every time." Cyborg shook his head. "So as long as someone knows about your ability it's rendered ineffective."

"You're really pushing it," Mirage replied.

"Just show me, I'll prove it!" Cyborg challenged arrogantly.

"This is the king of bad ideas," Raven said.

"This is one of those mental tricks isn't it?" Cyborg asked slyly. "You pretend to have a power too terrible to use so no one calls you on it."

Kitty groaned. "Well he asked for it; I suggest sending for the Prozac now so you can beat the rush."

"Is it really that bad?" Beastboy asked.

"We have a telepath on hand back home that has gotten a lot of experience just helping people to recover from challenging her power," Copycat explained.

"Fine," Mirage snarled, losing patience, "Face your fears and be damned!"

A second cyborg took shape in front of the first one.

"That's my fear? Myself?" Cyborg chuckled.

The second Cyborg examined the first one, walking around him. "Wow I remember this, I was still the Cyborg 1.0 model."

"1.0?" Cyborg asked confused as he eyed his doppelganger.

"Yeah, I use holograms to cover the upgrades; here let me show you," he told Cyborg before a ripple ran over his form and he changed.

Where a perfect duplicate of Cyborg had stood now stood a fully mechanical figure.

"I replaced my weak human limbs with all new and much stronger parts a while back."

"M-my face?"

"Fleshy and oh so limited," his robotic counterpart said with contempt, his red eyes glowing coldly.

"I'm nothing more than a brain in a machine?" Cyborg asked himself.

"Don't be silly," he snorted, "I replaced that software last month. It was slow and easily confused – can you believe it felt fear of all things? It simply had to go. Now I am 100% operational and efficient, with no organic dross to drag me down." The metallic figure abruptly faded away as Cyborg collapsed on the sofa pale and shaking.

Raven rushed over to him and wrapped him in her cloak. "It was just a nightmare, none of it was real."

Cyborg clung to her like a life preserver. "But it could be. I've been tempted to... Replace some of my organic parts so I could be stronger before, but if I go down that road, where does it end? Would I still be human? Am I even human now?"

"If he's so worried about being part machine why hasn't he got his limbs replaced?" Copycat asked, having seen the local tech level and power scale of their heroes he figured it shouldn't have been too hard.

Beastboy turned to stare at the blindfolded boy. "You people can replace limbs?"

"Not personally, but I can think of a couple of ways to go about it," Copycat said absently, thinking of searching alternate futures for advanced tech, kidnapping Forge, copying Healer's powers. "If I jump back in time could I copy Jesus Christ's powers?"

Everyone stared at him in horror.

"What?" he asked of the sudden silence. "I can travel through time, don't you think I've contemplated trying to see things first hand?"

"Yeah, but how did you go from 'seeing the birth of the legend' to becoming 'Jesus the sequel'?" Beastboy asked.

"He could heal the crippled, turn water into wine, and walk on water, who wouldn't want his gifts?"

Hearing the chorus of hesitant agreements Copycat continued, "Plus he could respawn in like three days; even with that much lag, how cool is that?"

"You are going to hell," Beastboy deadpanned with an utterly straight face.

"Nah, Limbo at worst and Illyana is the leader of it, so I'm good. Now someone lead me up to the roof, I need Illyana or Rahne's help learning to control my heat vision, so I can stop wearing a blindfold."

"Are you sure we won't get struck by lightning?" Mirage queried doubtfully.

"Pretty sure. I need to be able to see so I can teleport, and I need to be able to teleport so I can help Cyborg."

"Going to grab the Professor?"

"Nope, going to grab someone who can show him how to repair and upgrade his organics while showing him the other side of the equation."

"You know someone?" Mirage asked.

"I know of someone, but I need to jump universes to get him."

"And you're sure he'll help?"

"I was planning on saving his life and getting his commander to order him to help me," Copycat said. "A large bribe would also help. Their time line is a bit of a downer, so anything that gives him a chance to save more people would be a good thing; of course this all hinges on something our magical clone child said when we met him yesterday," he explained.

"What are the odds?" Cypher asked.

"Considering where we are?" Copycat grinned. "Close to a hundred percent."

0oOo0

"You know what Logan?" She-Hulk asked as he dealt, "I thought you'd be shorter."

Logan grinned around his stogie, knowing she wasn't talking about height. "Well you know what they say about men with big claws,"

"What?" she asked curiously.

"The leave big gashes behind," Logan deadpanned, before breaking into a smug grin.

The table howled with laughter and Xander realized with this group he didn't have to restrain his comments as they were letting it all hang out – literally.

"As for myself I've always preferred men who were good with their hands and had long tongues," Black Widow said. "Why do you think Sue gave Reed the name Mr. Fantastic?" She discarded two cards from her hand.

Xander had his symbiote lengthen his tongue so he could pick up a cookie with it, much to the others surprise.

"Copied Reed?" Wolverine asked, examining his cards and discarding one.

"If I wanted his abilities I'd copy the Super Skrull so I'd get all four at once. I only have room for two sets and I need Spider Man's to help my symbiote develop and being an Asgardian was too good to pass up."

"So, where did the tongue come from?" Thor asked, keeping a single card from what he'd been dealt.

"I love my symbiote," Xander grinned.

"Could you copy Copycat's powers so you could gain more powers?" Wolverine asked as he dealt everyone their cards.

"No clue, but it sounds like a bad idea. Remember what happened to Copycat's bastard half-brother Cal when he overloaded himself? Power overload is never a good thing and being Asgardian might actually help with that, but that still doesn't make being all powerful a good idea. I'm powerful enough. About the only power I don't have, that I want, is healing."

"My power comes with its own set of problems," Wolverine warned him.

"I don't want yours; it's way too limited," Xander said, shaking his head and surprising everyone at the table.

"How do you figure?" Wolverine asked.

"It only heals you. No, I want the ability to heal other people. I tend to heal fast anyway and while being able to heal myself would be nice, being able to heal others would kick ass."

"I can name a dozen people who can fire blasts of energy to blow things up but I can't think of a single healer," Widow said thoughtfully.

"Destruction is easy, healing is hard," Thor said thoughtfully. "I know a hand full of people who can heal in Asgard and all of them trained long and hard for their skills."

"I'll probably need to jump universes to find a healer to copy from," Xander said.

"You can jump universes?" Thor asked curiously.

"That's how I got here."

"Full house," Logan declared, blowing out a plume of smoke.

"Three of a kind," Thor said, laying down his cards and showing a trio of queens.

"Two pair," She-Hulk said, laying out two pairs of kings with a smirk.

"Busted flush," Widow said, tossing her cards on the table.

Xander picked up his hand and groaned. "A pair of twos."

"Forfeit?" Widow asked.

"Forfeit," Thor, Logan and She-Hulk agreed.

"Forfeit?" Xander asked.

Logan grinned evilly around his cigar. "Standard Avengers table rules, the lowest two hands have to perform a forfeit decided by the other players."

"Sometimes it's just answering embarrassing questions, and sometimes it's something … a little more fun," She-Hulk said.

"We're playing Truth or Dare poker?" Xander asked, shocked.

"Nay … I mean no," Thor quickly corrected himself, "that is a game children play, that's why we call ours forfeits instead."

"Prank," Wolverine decided.

"Spiderman," Thor added.

"Dressed the way you are right now," She-Hulk said with a grin.

"Any ideas on how we could prank him?" Widow asked thoughtfully.

Xander thought about it for a second and began to grin evilly himself. "Let me tell you about my science teacher …"

**AN: Typing by Godogma; author of 'A little old fashioned' who I keep badgering to update!**


	9. Chapter 9

"I think I've got it!" Copycat said as he looked at the water and beams of light didn't shoot out of his eyes.

Galatea nodded at Magik, who wrapped her arms around him and kissed the side of his neck.

Red beams struck the water once more.

Copycat closed his eyes and groaned, "I have no idea how you keep from frying the fish."

"My memories from Kara show that it's just a simple mental connection; once you realize that heat vision prevents you from responding to the source of arousal, your control grows by leaps and bounds."

"Huh?"

"If you don't learn this you'll never get laid again," Magik translated.

"Back to work!" Copycat ordered. "Magik, use those hands and remember to stop anytime I start boiling the fish."

Galatea nodded. "Remember to do your part too," she ordered Cannonball.

"Don't you already have this down?" Cannonball asked, as he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her.

"I believe showing him what he can no longer do will help inspire him," Galatea replied. "Are you complaining?"

"No ma'am!" Cannonball declared as he went back to 'work'.

"Did you have to traumatize my teammates?" Robin asked.

Mirage nodded. "He asked for it."

"I know he can be obnoxious at times," Robin began.

"No, he literally requested I use my power on him and badgered me until I did."

"Oh," Robin fell silent for a moment. "That wasn't very bright."

Mirage shrugged. "And yet people still request it."

"Everyone has fears, but few have examined their lives enough to reveal what their worst fear actually is; the temptation to find out that tidbit of knowledge without all that tedious soul searching must be pretty strong."

"I never thought of it like that," Mirage said thoughtfully.

"The first step to improving yourself, is knowing yourself," Robin said, "you have to find the flaws before you can fix them."

"That's surprisingly deep."

"I have been taught by the best," Robin declared, "to face my fears and rid myself of all earthly desires."

Mirage looked at him skeptically. "You aren't going to ask to face your biggest fear are you?"

"No, I know better than that. To seek out fear is to give power to fear. Just because I can fight my fears doesn't mean I will always win or even that I should fight them."

"That makes a surprising amount of sense," Mirage agreed.

"It's simply the truth," Robin replied, "fear is to be avoided, that's why it repels. But desire has to be released; that's why it attracts. I don't seek to face my fears for that would empower them and weaken me, I'll simply deal with them as I must, now if your power was to show someone their greatest desire I would laugh, as desire is easily ignored."

"Oh really?" Mirage asked, narrowing her eyes, annoyed.

0oOo0

Spider Man in his new outfit as Comrade Spider swung into the Avenger's property, aiming for the Black Widow's window as she'd directed him to.

"Natasha?" he asked as he landed on the floor and saw the red haired woman lying naked on the bed.

"You look different," she said, slowly sliding from the bed and swaying to her feet, her every movement a study in seduction techniques as she displayed her body to best effect.

"I – I had to change my look to help get rid of Jonah for a while," he stuttered nervously.

"He is an annoyance," she agreed as she slunk toward him and he backed away.

"You said you needed my help?"

"Yes, indeed I do," she agreed as she followed him up the wall and onto the ceiling as she spoke, not allowing him to escape.

"You can wall crawl?" he exclaimed in shock.

"Of course," she replied, "we spider people share a lot of common traits, for instance we can only have children with each other."

"C-children?" Spider Man stuttered as she closed and webbed shut the window and door.

"Of course, the spider genes don't mix well with normal human DNA so when the time is right, our instincts kick in," she explained, pressing her naked body against his.

"So you can't control yourself?" He gasped as she ran her tongue along the edge of his ear.

"I could, but where's the fun in that?" she purred. "And really, don't you want to continue our species? There really aren't that many of us."

"I am ecologically minded," Spiderman admitted with a groan as she ground herself against him. "I don't know about raising children though."

"Why would you need to?" she asked curiously, and the symbiote, she had borrowed, painted a red hourglass on her stomach while making her look like she had compound eyes and a pair of black fangs.

Pulling back Spider Man took in the markings and other changes for a split second before showing exactly how fast his reflexes were, as he leapt through the closed window and was running away screaming before anyone could blink.

"And, that's a wrap!" Xander said as the invisibility spell faded away, leaving him naked and standing there holding a camcorder.

0oOo0

Starfire stared in shock as she watched a doppelganger of herself molest Robin. Seeing as her new friend Mirage was there and appeared unalarmed, if annoyed, she forcibly calmed herself and didn't incinerate the hussy who had her hands all over her … friend Robin.

"What is happening?" Starfire asked.

"Robin claimed he had complete control over himself and my powers to show him his deepest desires were completely useless against him," Mirage explained.

"Show me some more of this Earth thing they call kissing," Starfire's double declared.

"Of course Star, all you needed to do was ask," Robin said leaning forward.

Starfire hip checked the illusory being aside and slid into her place just in time to catch Robin's lips.

After a minute Robin pulled back to catch his breath and Star said, "So all I have to do is ask?"

"Of course Star, I'd do anything for you."

"So we can go to my room and you'll show me anything I've been curious about?"

"Of course," Robin replied.

Mirage released her hold on Robin's mind, just as Starfire picked him up and flew off with him.

"You are dangerous," Raven declared from where she sat with the recovering Cyborg.

Mirage looked at the group of superhuman teens scattered around the room and then back at Raven.

Raven sighed. "Point taken."

0oOo0

"It's getting easier," Copycat said, closing his eyes as Magik took her hand out of his pants.

"Harder too," Magik teased him playfully.

Galatea chuckled as she snuggled in Cannonball's arms. "It should be like flipping a switch by now. Feel for it in your head."

Copycat took a couple of deep breaths and suddenly felt a dozen people's thoughts clattering away against his shields; happiness, sadness, fear and joy sang loudly from everyone on the Titan's little island.

Copycat rarely intentionally copied telepaths if he could avoid it. He'd felt the iron control needed to keep from abusing the power and decided it was just too much of a hassle for a power that required an entire new ethical framework to keep you from slipping to the dark side.

Of course, rarely doesn't mean never; he'd copied more than his fair share of psionic surprises from the spandex set and learned quite a few tricks that could be pulled off using raw psionic strength in place of rare gifts. He'd even copied Professor X's abilities on several occasions for either training purposes or to act as a psionic amplifier for him and the knowledge of psionic powers and tricks Professor X knew was almost beyond comprehension.

Copycat had automatically suppressed the telepathic abilities he'd copied from Martian Manhunter, until he'd tried to open his mind and it had suddenly jumped him like he owed it money.

He instinctively dumped it into the quasi-psionic bond he'd developed with his roommate and the three girls they were close to.

Thanks to Xavier's training it only took a minute for the five of them to adapt and reinforce their shields as they were all five functioning as low level psions now.

Raven tensed up and her eyes darted around as she felt what felt like several people awakening psychic gifts at once.

"Relax," Cypher said, sensing Raven's concern. "Copycat was simply sharing, or shedding really, the mental ability he copied from the big green M&M."

"Why and come to think of it how?" Raven asked.

"The how is some complicated psionic trick he found, the why is because he's lazy," Cypher explained.

"Lazy?"

"Being a 'path requires iron control and a whole lot of rules to keep from abusing it right?"

"That's true," Raven agreed, nodding thoughtfully.

"He says its only really worthwhile to be a telepath if you're evil, being good means rendering the power all but worthless in most situations so he shared it with us, reducing it from a decent amount of power requiring iron control to minor gifts, abuse at will."

"That … makes a lot of sense actually," Raven agreed, thinking of how different her life would be if she only had minor gifts and could laugh and enjoy … everything.

0oOo0

"Okay, I'm good," Copycat announced.

"You have mastered it?" Galatea asked.

"I have released it," Copycat corrected. "I could make a speech about great power and responsibility, but truthfully, me being able to see through clothes pushes Wolfbane waaay outside her comfort zone and really that's the only power you had that I was interested in."

"Out of all the dozens of powers I have, you are only interested in the ability to see through clothes?" Galatea asked dumbfounded.

"I'm a teenage male, seeing girls naked is only secondary to the ability to breathe."

Magik nodded at Galatea's questioning glance.

"Well, you two kiddies have fun, I'm going to go brainstorm with the others on how to get a massive amount of gold and jewels so I can bribe someone," Copycat said just before he and Magik vanished via light disc.

0oOo0

Xander placed the tape of their prank on a shelf of tapes with labels like, 'Wanda fills Iron Man's Armor with Cheez-Whiz', 'Thor shaves the Hulk's eyebrows while he sleeps', 'The Black Widow convinces Captain America to ski down Everest on his shield as training'.

"You guys are a lot more fun than I thought you'd be," Xander admitted.

"If you want to work hard you've got to play hard too," She-Hulk declared.

"How long does a game actually last?" Xander asked.

"Until one of three things happens," Wolverine explained, "one; we get called into battle."

"Two; a prank backfires badly enough to require someone to seek medical attention," She-hulk said with a grin. "Like when my cousin Bruce convinced the local gay community to picket wearing t-shirts proclaiming Flame On and encouraged the human torch to come out of the closet. Even with gamma enhanced healing it took weeks before he started growing hair on his balls again."

"And three," Thor grinned, "The President orders us to stop."

"The President orders you to stop?" Xander asked.

"Let's just say when Goliath moons someone, he really moons them," Black Widow said before everyone burst out laughing.

0oOo0

"Okay step one," Copycat said having gotten everyone together … well with the exception of three couples; Cannonball/Galatea, Robin/Starfire, and Amara/Sunspot. "Think of a place where there's a large amount of gold and gems we could morally take."

"You're kidding right?" Raven asked.

"Nope, and keep in mind we have two people here who can teleport through time, space and dimensions."

"Too bad you couldn't teleport us into Warp Trek," Beastboy said with a sigh.

"Why can't we?" Copycat asked.

"It's only a movie."

"And the Justice League is only a cartoon," Copycat replied.

**AN: Typing by Godogma, all hail!**


	10. Chapter 10

"We … we could go to Warp Trek?" Beastboy asked hopefully.

"Sure, I'll need to know more about it so I have a decent picture to aim for, but I can take us there," Copycat replied.

"Velvet green?" Magik asked.

"More blue ranch sound," Copycat explained.

"I don't get it," Mirage whined.

Cypher shrugged. "I'm almost sharing head space with him, and can speak and understand any language and I don't either."

"They're sharing sensory data," Raven explained, "listening to them is like being a blind man listening to someone explain color unless you share the unique sense their teleporting ability gives them."

"Oh!" chorused the rest of the room thoughtfully.

"That … that's perverted!" Magik exclaimed, blushing hotly.

Copycat grinned. "I was half awake and having a very good dream when it happened or I would never have stumbled on it."

"Now THAT I can believe," Magik declared.

"Warp Trek marathon!" Beastboy exclaimed as he rushed off.

"I'll get the popcorn," Cyborg said, showing life once more.

"I'll explain my teammate's insanities," Raven volunteered before turning to the New Mutants scattered throughout the room. "You've all just volunteered to undergo 12 hours of extreme geekiness, may the gods have mercy on your souls."

"Cool!" Cypher and Copycat chorused, claiming choice viewing spots.

Magik wriggled in between them while Kitty claimed Cypher's free side and Wolfbane, Copycat's.

Mirage shrugged and sprawled out on the carpet facing the entertainment center.

0oOo0

"The Kingpin?" She-Hulk asked doubtfully. "As far as I know we've never gotten enough solid evidence to bring him in."

"I'm not talking about bringing him in," Black Widow corrected. "I'm talking about sneaking in and pulling a prank on him."

"Something visible, like dye in his soap," Wolverine said.

"And with the exception of whatever equipment you need… dressed as you are now," Thor grinned.

"We have to sneak into the Kingpin's heavily guarded penthouse naked?" Xander asked, just to make sure.

She-hulk chuckled. "We'll need scramblers so we don't leave any electronic evidence, because I don't want tapes of my naked perfection appearing on the net."

Xander tilted his head as he discussed things with his symbiote. "Okay, first let me say you are all insane and second if Jenn would care to transform into her alter ego I can get us in, but I need another bag of potatoes for my suit first."

"What do you have in mind?" She-hulk asked curiously.

Xander held up an arm and it slowly faded from sight. "Chameleons are amateurs."

0oOo0

A naked Jennifer Walters clung to Xander's back as he swung through the air with increasing skill. "Now this is a lot more exciting than a Quin Jet."

"If you rub against my back much harder I'm going to make you ride in front," Xander swore, his symbiote allowing him to feel every inch of her slender frame and just exactly how excited she was.

"Promises, promises..." She purred in his ear, "feel free to do whatever you want … as long as you can swing at the same time."

A combination of her exhibitionist tendencies and adrenaline junky traits had revved her libido straight into the red zone.

0oOo0

Several window washers, four rooftop gardeners, and a cat burglar were left confused wondering where the sound of a woman having a screaming orgasm was coming from.

0oOo0

"Think we should tell her she left her mic on?" Black Widow asked with a smirk.

"Let her find out one night when we replay tapes of our greatest pranks," Thor suggested with a smirk.

Wolverine chuckled, smiling around his cigar.

0oOo0

The two landed lightly on the roof of the Kingpin's building, Xander springing and moving from place to place as his danger sense went off until he found himself clinging to the door of the roof access.

"Now that was magical," Jennifer purred lazily.

"Yep," Xander snickered.

"And how did you do that when I was behind you?"

"The suit is an extension of me that I can shape at will," Xander grinned wickedly, "and it's all over you like a second skin."

Before they could say anymore the door they were on swung open and a dozen armed men rushed onto the rooftop.

Xander climbed over the door and entered, clinging to the ceiling a quickly whispered conversation while the building security searched the roof provided them with a basic plan of attack.

0oOo0

"Good tactics," Wolverine said.

"I wonder what made it magical?" Black Widow asked curiously.

"Tentacles," Thor stated with such authority that the other two decided not to ask about it.

0oOo0

She-hulk followed the men with Xander clinging to her this time, enjoying the way the symbiote allowed her to play Spider Woman and trying not to think about what was pressed up against her back a task made harder by how she could feel how much Xander was enjoying his position.

The two tried not to think about sex while sitting on the ceiling of the control room, their naked bodies pressed together, as they observed the building's security measures.

0oOo0

"Votes to destroy the studio that created this schlock?" Kitty requested.

"Aye!" The New Mutants chorused much to Cyborg and Beastboy's horror.

"Not Warp Trek Studios!" Cyborg exclaimed.

"I thought you'd like it?" Beastboy asked, giving an impressive rendition of puppy dog eyes while in human form, "And that was just the first three episodes."

Cypher sighed. "It's like someone combined Star Wars and Star Trek, emphasizing the worst parts while discarding everything that made them epic."

"Star Trek? Star Wars?" Beastboy and Cyborg chorused.

Magik chuckled. "And now we need to get money to get the tapes to let them see it, because you know they'll want their own copies."

"Yeah, but that's not a problem," Copycat said. "I know where I could teleport to get a couple of grand easy, get me a care package together that a couple of people would need stranded on a deserted island and I'll be set."

"Am I right in assuming you're going to sell relief supplies to a group of stranded travelers?" Raven asked.

"Yep," Copycat agreed. "I would teleport them back to civilization, but they'd somehow end up right back on that island like the last time they were rescued. Two of the people on the island are so filthy rich they brought along steamer trunks filled with cash, in case they wanted to buy some souvenirs from their trip, so the only real help I can give them is to make their lives more comfortable."

"A curse?" Raven asked.

"No idea, but I doubt it."

"Why does this sound familiar?" Wolfbane asked thoughtfully.

Copycat started humming.

"No way!" Mirage burst out wide eyed.

0oOo0

The Kingpin burst out of his bedroom wearing a white silk robe and wielding a sword cane, but he froze at the sight of a naked She-Hulk doing jumping jacks.

Some sixth sense caused the large bald man to spin around, slashing with his sword.

Xander easily avoided the blade, but his shot went low, nailing the Kingpin in the crotch.

Despite his extensive martial training, Wilson Fisk found himself curled into the fetal position on the ground as the second shot smacked him in the head. He recovered almost instantly, showing speed that men a third his size would envy as he snatched up his sword only to freeze as he saw the intruder and She-hulk both doing naked jumping jacks in his living room.

Wilson Fisk calmed himself and tried to make sense of what had just happened, but when he opened his mouth to demand to know what the two naked intruders were doing in his penthouse he found himself asking, "Why do my balls itch?"

As the two burst out laughing, Wilson gave up any hope of this being a serious matter just before his robe burst open from the forest of hair that now sprouted from his crotch and his vision became obscured by his new dreads.

Apparently Reed had never figured someone would be shot twice or he no doubt would have mentioned the side effects that Wilson Fisk: The Kingpin of crime, was now experiencing.

Xander and She-Hulk stared as the formerly hairless crime lord became as hairy as a Norwegian lumberjack, or just slightly less hairy than Wolverine.

"I'd say I was dreaming this, but I lack the imagination for it; I'd also be concerned that I'd spout something about a bit of undigested potato and end up going through a Dickens tale. No, instead I think I'll simply bribe you to go away and pretend one of the many hair growth formulas I've tried actually worked."

"We don't accept," She-hulk began, placing her hands on her hips angrily when Xander interrupted.

"Always let them make the offer first, you never know what you'll learn from it."

"If you promise to go away, I'll turn over all the information I've gathered on the Red Skull and his recent attempts to extend his reach into New York," The Kingpin offered.

"Deal!" Xander said instantly.

"I want to borrow your bed first," She-hulk said firmly.

"Go right ahead," Wilson said. "I need to see a barber anyway. I'll have the file delivered to the Avenger's mansion."

She-hulk drug Xander into Fisk's bedroom, a half dozen scantily dressed young women surging out a moment later before the door closed.

"Girls," The Kingpin said with a nod of his shaggy head, "I believe a couple of weeks' vacation in the mountains is in order, pack for winter weather."

As the girls went to their rooms to pack, the Kingpin pushed a button on the wall. "Mason, have the car brought around and the jet readied – make sure to include a barber among the staff on board and send all the information we have on the Red Skull to the Avengers."

The floor shook slightly to a rhythmic beat as the Kingpin pushed the button again. "Oh, and Mason have my bed replaced while I'm gone. Burn the old one."

0oOo0

"Oh sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip," the group of New Mutants and Teen Titans sang as they walked along the beach.

The cry of, "Skipper! Skipper!" that rang out really came as no surprise to the teens, all of whom had seen the show before.

The castaways arrived in mass, as the teens were examining the three SS Minnows, beached with large holes in their sides.

"Mike!" came the cry from the delighted group, Copycat quickly made introductions before the Professor took him off to the side.

"You were right, I dismissed what you'd suggested as superstitious nonsense yet here we are again. I can't even explain what possessed the group of us the third time since the first two landed us here."

"Did you look for any discrepancies?" Copycat asked.

"I didn't have to, they jumped out at me," The Professor said, shaking his head. "The people we knew had aged quite a bit, while we'd hardly aged at all. Everyone dismissed it as clean living and a balanced diet doing wonders, but it's not is it?"

Mike shook his head. "Not really."

"I read the trade journals and published a few papers in the two months we were back. Material sciences had advanced quite rapidly, but they'd barely touched on theoretical physics that I could do in my sleep."

"What else?" Mike asked intently.

"The Howell's restructured their companies, regaining dominance in the market like it was just a hand of poker where they held all the aces. Ginger decided to try her hand at doing a live play, the reviews were out of this world, Maryanne and Gilligan aren't the type to make headlines, so I have no idea what they were up to and I'm a bit afraid to ask."

"Yeah, they are a lot more subtle in their aspects."

"The Skipper made the news several times, mostly for being at the right place at the right time to rescue people."

Mike nodded. "I'm sure you'll find your answers if you keep looking, I just know enough to see that something is going on."

"I suspect that taking us to the States is just going to end with us here again, right?"

"I doubt it'll end any other way, but a couple of months gives you time to enjoy civilization and stock a boat with things that will make living here a lot more enjoyable."

The Professor nodded thoughtfully. "Well at any rate we should have a traditional luau before heading back."

**AN: Typing by Godogma!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Ready For Primetime**

The God of Thunder staggered in, exhaustion coloring his every move and lipstick various parts of his body. "Mission accomplished," he said, before falling to his knees and slowly keeling over to hit the floor.

"How'd it go?" Wolverine asked, grinning around his cigar.

"With me there to control the weather so she could relax, Storm became a tsunami of passion that tested even my Asguardian endurance."

"I thought you were married," Xander said.

"Indeed, and next time I think I should bring my good wife Sif with me," Thor said weakly before beginning to snore.

"Different cultures have different morals," Wolverine pointed out.

"I thought it was only the Enchanters and Loki who hopped in and out of everyone's bed," Xander said.

"Nah, the entire group's pretty open; and when you add in potions, spells, and items that let them switch gender and even species..." She-Hulk chuckled. "Asguardian parties have been known to kill mortal attendees. Thankfully, Odin is pretty easygoing about resurrecting them."

The Black Widow laughed. "Remember-"

***ALERT*ALERT*ALERT***

Iron Man's voice came over the intercom. "Suit up people, we have a small Kree-Skrull incident to bust up near the equator."

"Back to work," Wolverine said. "Next game, I say we kidnap Spider-Man for."

"Only if you don't let him know I was pranking him earlier for the first hour of play," Natasha said as they all dressed.

"He'll probably guess after he loses the first hand," She Hulk said, adjusting the front of her uniform to fit her breasts a bit better.

"That's fine," Natasha smirked.

"How are we going to wake Thor?" Xander asked, his symbiote changing into jeans and a leather duster.

"Let him sleep," Wolverine said. "This isn't going to be a battle. We'll just get the two sides to challenge each-other to a local game of some kind and get them all drunk. We'll tape the resulting party, and blackmail the two groups into setting up their secret bases elsewhere."

"You guys do this a lot?" Xander asked in surprise.

"Enough to handle Kree-Skrull conflicts easily," She Hulk agreed. "Their AIs always pick the same spots for bases, because the two races share too many of the same characteristics."

"If you're here when we play again, you're welcome to sit in again," Natasha said.

"Thanks!"

**Pizza Break**

With the Avengers out and nothing to do for the day, Xander decided to play tourist, his large frame and curly red hair attracting some attention, not all of it good.

"Reach for the sky motherfucker!" a Hispanic teen ordered, pointing a sawed-off shotgun at him that he'd whipped out from under his leather trench.

"Hurry up," a black teen ordered from behind the teen with the gun, as he scanned the area.

"I'm bullet-proof," Xander said, crossing his arms across his chest, unconcerned.

A white teen who'd been keeping an eye out from the corner yelled, "Shit! It's the Last Dragon, run!"

The three teens quickly vanished down a dark alley as a pair of familiar faces arrived.

"Are you okay?" Luke Cage asked.

Xander laughed so hard he had to lean against a light pole as he saw Luke's partner Iron Fist and figured out what the kids had been referring to.

"It was the Last Dragon comment, wasn't it?" Daniel asked knowingly.

Xander nodded and wiped tears of laughter from his eyes. "Well, to be fair, you've got the glow!"

Daniel Rand chuckled. "So, you're really OK?"

"I'm bullet-proof," Xander said, "And, it's nice to see kids resisting the racism that is so common today."

"I'd be happier if they weren't doing it a gun-point though," Luke said with a sigh.

"Take your victories where you can," Xander suggested. "It's less frustrating that way."

Luke laughed. "You've got a point there."

A bell rang in the distance.

"Bank?" Xander asked.

"Bank," the two groaned.

"It's the running that's a pain," Luke said before the two ran towards the alarm.

Xander leapt to the top of a light pole and kept up with them, using Spider-Man's abilities to leap great distances to hop from pole to pole. As the two paused to catch their breath in front of the bank, Xander dropped down beside them, his suit altering to cover him in an outfit that looked like an alternate version of Captain America, the blue being replaced by green and the white for a gold I.

"Captain Italy?" Luke asked.

"It's either this or Mario," Xander replied. "I'm craving Italian food."

"Looks like the Foot Clan's work," Iron Fist replied, tying his mask into place.

"Foot Clan?" Xander asked, wondering why the name sounded familiar.

"A criminal organization styled after a ninja clan," Luke explained as he stretched a little and cracked his neck. "Decent hand to hand fighters, but not a big threat."

"They like to spray-paint their mark at the site of their crimes," Daniel said, pointing out the red footprint painted on the glass door. "Now, let's move in. Expect edged weapons, but no guns."

As the three moved forward, a pair of Foot soldiers came through the glass doors head-first and tumbled to a stop at their feet, their dark blue and grey masked ninja outfits about as battered as they were.

"Looks like we arrived late for the party," Luke said as they entered and saw unconscious Foot nin everywhere.

"If it's all over with, I'm out." Xander leapt up and clung to the ceiling, his symbiote camouflaged him as he squeezed into the ventilation system and hurried after a barely visible form ahead of him with a wide grin on his face. Despite the great skill and care the four ahead of him took, Xander managed to follow them as they snuck out of the bank and into the sewers. They stopped several times to check for tails, but clinging to the ceiling, camouflaged and motionless, he was all but impossible to find.

"AAARGH!" Michelangelo growled. "I swear I'm going to crawl out of my shell! Everyone check for trackers."

Raphael chuckled and checked Donatello's back. "Normally, I'd call you a paranoid wuss, but I know what you mean."

Leonardo finished checking Michelangelo. "Nada."

The symbiote enhanced Xander's sense of smell, limiting it to a single odor as it caught the scent he'd been hoping for.

"We know you're out there!" Raphael called impatiently, pulling his Sai from his belt. "Whatever you want, you won't get it from us!"

"You've already led me right to my goal," Xander shouted, making his voice echo from every direction as he indulged himself in a villainous laugh.

"Master Splinter!" the four gasped as they positioned themselves to prevent their unseen foe from getting past them.

Not that that stopped Xander who scurried across the ceiling like a spider, following the scent through several tunnels and a small pipe into a forgotten subway station that had been made into a home. He dismissed the idea of sneaking up on Splinter as he was pretty sure the rat could kick his ass, and instead shamelessly abused the symbiote's abilities to make himself look like Raphael. It surprised him little that there had been a small Italian restaurant on the abandoned subway platform as well as the typical newsstand and token booth. Splinter probably raised them on pizza because he had all the tools on hand to make it just sitting there.

Upon entering the restaurant, he saw that Splinter was just removing a very deep dish pizza from the oven with a large spatula.

"Back before the others?" the humanoid rat asked, not even looking up. Xander's spider sense suddenly informed him that he was at ground zero next to a possible nuclear detonation.

"Tricked the others into looking for me while I got ahead of them," Xander answered honestly, his spider sense dropping down from 'five seconds to total destruction' to 'possible ass whupping'.

Splinter looked over Xander who looked exactly like Raphael, if he was about a foot wider and two feet taller. Xander smiled encouragingly.

"Why grandmother, what big eyes you have," Splinter said sarcastically.

"All the better to see the guys go nuts trying to convince you I'm not Raphael while I eat his pizza," Xander replied hopefully.

Splinter tapped his chin thoughtfully and Xander's danger sense dropped to nothing. "That would be funny."

"Especially if I play up the obedient student role and leap to perform chores that he normally balks at."

Splinter chuckled.

**0o0o0o0o0o0**

Xander's mind drifted towards Daredevil and the toxic waste that blinded him, but heightened his other senses. He wondered if Matt had gotten any bat dander on him. All it would've taken was a few flakes mixed with the ooze...

"How can you believe he's me?" Raphael demanded.

Splinter turned to Xander. "My old bones don't get around like they used to, would you mind dusting the upper reaches?"

"I'd be honored, Master Splinter," Xander said, bowing respectfully and rushing off to grab cleaning supplies.

"It does my heart good to see such a respectful student," Splinter said, wiping a tear from his eye.

"Gahh!" Raphael exclaimed, before rushing off to chase Xander.

The remaining three students just stood and stared as Raphael and the obvious fake had a...Cleaning battle?

"Dude?" Michelangelo asked.

"Yeah, I'm lost too," Donatello agreed.

"Is it a lesson?" Leonardo asked Splinter.

"Many things are a lesson," Splinter replied solemnly.

Donatello started laughing.

"Don?" Leonardo asked.

"Many things are a lesson, but some things are just a joke," Donatello replied, causing the other two to burst out laughing once they got it.

"So, who is he?" Leonardo asked curiously as they watched Raphael and his doppelganger rush past, taking out bags of trash.

"I sense great power in him," Splinter said. "But also...a good heart."

"He scarfed down that pizza like nobody's business," Michelangelo said. "Anyone who likes pizza that much is ok in my books."

The four watched the two rush back and forth for over an hour, cleaning until Raphael collapsed at Splinter's feet, handing him a basket of laundry.

Xander set a basket beside it. "I think we've milked that joke enough," he said, dropping the disguise.

"I am Xander Harris, it is a pleasure to meet you all."

"Told you he wasn't me," Raphael said from his place on the ground.

Splinter laughed until he started crying and had to stop and catch his breath. "I'm not as young as I once was," he admitted.

"Were you human or not before you became a rat-man?" Xander asked.

"Human," Splinter replied. "Why?"

"We may want to see about making you human rats have a limited life-span. You're probably aging like a dog at 4 to 1 right now."

"What?!" Donatello was quickly at Splinter's side. "That never even occurred to me, but it should have. Master, I have samples of the ooze and I got enough of a look at the machines Shredder has used to attempt to turn us back into turtles. I don't have the parts, but if you give me some time, I should be able to create a device to return you to human."

"I have no regrets," Splinter told his students. "If my time is shorter for having contacted the ooze, it is worth it for having you, my children. I don't want you injuring yourself trying to change something I accepted long ago."

"Or, we could just get help from some fellow mutants who'd be delighted to help," Xander suggested. "If he knows how to de-rat you so you'll live longer, I know some mutants who have a load of high-tech crap including alien tech, as their leader is dating a feathered girl from another galaxy."

**0o0o0o0o0o0**

Beast blinked as Xander teleported in with a quartet of ninja turtles and a rat-man.

"Whoa dude, what kind of animal are you mixed with?" one asked.

"A combination of feline and simian traits," Beast replied. "I'm Doctor Hank McCoy, though I'm usually referred to as Beast."

Introductions were quickly made by Donatello before he anxiously got to the heart of the matter, "Master Splinter was mutated by this," he held up a tube filled with ooze, "almost twenty years ago, adding rat DNA to his genetic makeup. Unfortunately, that has also had the effect of-"

"Speeding up his aging by a factor of three point two on a conservative estimate," Beast said with a nod.

"I can build a machine to reverse the effects of the ooze, and return him to human," Donatello explained. "And, while it won't restore his lost years, it will-"

"Restore his proper aging rate," Beast finished. "We'll need Forge on this."

"Forge?" Leonardo asked.

"Mutant who's ability is to build things so advanced you wouldn't believe it," Xander explained.

Beast was already typing and sending an e-mail with his left foot while examining the blueprints Donatello had brought and getting deep into tech speak.

"We better clear out," Xander said. "I'll show you guys the grounds while we wait."

"Go, go," Splinter encouraged them when they hesitated. "I'll be fine."

"Yes, Master Splinter," the three chorused, following Xander out the door.

"So, where are we?" Raphael asked.

"Upstate New York," Xander told them. "I'm pretty sure I didn't move us through time or into an alternate dimension, but my aim is a bit iffy."

The three turtles stared at him wide-eyed.

"Iffy?" Michelangelo asked.

"Don't sweat it," Xander assured him. "The X-Men are generally pretty friendly regardless of reality, and I wasn't rushed."

"You!" Cyclops growled out as he turned the corner and spotted Xander, his massive afro having been woven into some impressive dreadlocks.

The turtles tensed up, preparing for a fight, but Xander just grinned. "Yep, right universe and timeline."

"Because of you, Jean won't let me cut my hair. She says she likes it better this way! Do you know what a pain it is to have this much hair?" the annoyed X-Man demanded.

"She's probably just fucking with you," Xander told him. "You look silly in dreads."

Cyclops paused and sighed a few seconds later as feminine laughter wafted down the hall. "I can't believe her and Storm pranked me like that." He vanished up the stairs, still shaking his head, the beads in his dreads tinkling like a wind chime. "Storm always gets playful when she -"

"Why was he so chill about the upright turtle brigade, and why was he wearing a visor?" Mike asked.

"You met Beast," Xander pointed out. "They don't judge much by looks here, and his mutant power is shooting beams of force from his eyes."

"It's nice to meet people who don't panic when they meet us," Raph admitted.

"Or attack," Leo said as Xander led them to the kitchen.

"You're still hungry?!" Mike asked shocked, as Xander started bringing out food.

"I'm making up mass from a recent transplantation," Xander explained. "Plus, my shirt wants a salad."

"Your shirt wants a salad," Raph said carefully, thinking Xander was nuts.

"Yep," Xander said as part of his shirt grew a snout and started eating the salad he'd prepared like an elephant.

"Now I believe we're not the weirdest thing you've seen," Raphael admitted.

Xander explained some of the X-Men's history while he ate, and told them of some of the behind-the-scenes movements going on, and about a lot of heroes and villains who'd never entered their neighborhood.

"Past the 2300 block it's like a different world," Raph said, shaking his head.

Donatello rejoined them, accepting a soda from Beast who took one for himself.

"Well?" Leo asked.

"Forge is light-years beyond me," Don said. "He not only made the device, he improved it. The process will take some time, so it's less stressful on the body."

"Master Splinter is going to be human again," Mike said slowly.

"That's why we came here," Raph reminded him.

"Yeah, but...He won't be a mutant like us anymore," Mike pointed out. "He could live on the surface again."

The turtles debated the matter for some time, arguing the pros and cons and often reversing their stances on the subject.

"Just because he's human again doesn't mean he'll leave us," Leo said, after he'd decided the argument had gone on long enough.

"Who's human again?" asked the humanoid turtle who'd entered the room, a foot taller and a couple of shades lighter than the four.

"M-Master Splinter?" Donatello asked in shock.

"Yes my student?" he asked smugly.

"How? Why?" Raph burst out.

"And what and where?" Mike added with a grin.

The Amerind inventor Forge entered the kitchen. "We figured the best way to compensate for his advanced age wasn't to return him to human, but to replace the rodent DNA with DNA from the enormously longer lived Galapagos turtle.

**0o0o0o0o0o0**

Xander had paid Forge for his help by allowing him to examine the afro-ray, which was returned with a few improvements, and the turtles were soon back at home.

"Anytime you need a place to crash bro," Mike said, shaking his hand.

"We owe you," Don agreed.

"It's nothing you guys wouldn't have done in my place," Xander assured them. "Although, we are taking photos for my album before I head home."

"Where are you from?" Don asked.

"California, but it's on a completely different Earth. Me and some friends guard a portal to hell there."

"Yet, you aura is remarkably clear of any evil, though it is chaotic," Splinter said.

"I was sent on a small quest to cleanse my aura, but it does nothing about chaos," Xander explained.

"Quest?" Leo perked up. "I've always wanted to go on a quest."

"Let me make sure it's alright, and I'll see about you taking it," Xander said, vanishing and reappearing almost instantly. "Good news, they were really open to the idea."

"They?" Leo asked.

"You aren't allowed to know in advance," Xander explained. "To do this, you must leave all your weapons behind. The only instruction you are given is that you must coax enough dew from the Lilly's of the valley to cover you."

Leo quickly took off his weapons. "I am ready."

"This will test your physical limits in ways you have only dreamed," Xander warned.

Leo nodded resolutely.

"Ok," Xander agreed, and the two vanished into a light disk, with Xander returning a second later. "He'll need a hot bath and a gallon of water when he returns," Xander explained. "A pizza or two wouldn't be a bad idea either."

"How long do you expect it to take?" Splinter asked.

"Hard to say, but I plan on jumping ahead to when he's done when everything's ready," Xander replied.

"I'll get the tub," Raph said, going to draw a bath.

"Water," Donatello said, going to fill a pitcher.

"Pizza," Mike said, tapping a button on his watch and becoming an ordinary nondescript teen, before heading up above.

"This test sounds vaguely familiar," Splinter said thoughtfully.

"Those who have gone through this test may not speak of it to non-initiates," Xander said solemnly.

Splinter chuckled. "Well, while we're waiting, would you care to spar? I need to take stock of my body's new capabilities."

"I have the powers of a young Thor, Spider-Man, and Wolfsbane," Xander warned.

Splinter chuckled. "Excellent, then I need not hold back as much as I feared."

Xander whimpered as his spider-sense spelled out 'Dumbass' in Morse code.

**0o0o0o0o0o0**

"What's this drink called again?" Cyborg slurred as they watched the campfire.

"Coconut Surprise ala Gilligan," Mary Ann replied, unbuttoning another button. "They always make me feel too hot for some reason."

"Being a movie star isn't glitter and glamor," Ginger told Beast Boy. "Once I came very, very close to having to do a donkey show to get a role."

Beast Boy nodded. "I know what you mean. Once, while undercover, I came very close to performing in one myself."

"Really?" asked Gilligan curiously. "How does a guy perform in a donkey show?"

Beast Boy turned into a green donkey and flicked his ear.

"I think my part was more different," Ginger said. "That table should be the right height, follow me."

**0o0o0o0o0o0**

"I-I think I'm a little too young to see any of this," Rahne said, eyes-wide as she looked over the various pairs.

"Let's take a dip in the lagoon and clear our heads," Illyana suggested.

Kitty snickered and took a sip of her drink. "You guys are so prudish."

"Maybe a bit reserved," Mike said, "But a dip does sound nice."

"I'm a huge prude," Doug said proudly, and not a little drunk.

"Then, why are you naked?" Kitty asked.

"Huh?" Doug asked as Kitty put her hand on his shoulder and phased both of them through their clothing.

Rhane and Illyana each grabbed one of Mike's arms and drug him towards the beach.

"We are drunker than white striped black mammals," Rhane said as they reached the beach and started stripping off excess material.

"Those little umbrellas are potent," Illyana whispered as her bikini top and hat fell to the beach.

Mike was sure he was supposed to be wearing something, but not quite sure what, as the two drug him into the water.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Copycat awoke to find himself sandwiched between a blonde and a red-head. He was only wearing a jockstrap and was grateful they'd chosen to collapse in the shade of the palm trees as the rising sun would have burned them otherwise. The girls still had on the bottom halves of their swimsuits, so he doubted anything too risqué happened.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"What happens on the island stays on the island," Kitty said firmly as a light disk deposited the group of superpowered teens in the living-room of Titan's tower.

"Except for the hickey's," Beastboy said proudly.

"And the sunburn," Wolfsbane added. Despite having slathered on a full quarter of a bottle, the Irish Lass had managed to get enough sun to redden her skin.

"I can help with that," Raven offered, carefully placing her hands on Wolfsbane's shoulders and wrapping her shadow around them both.

"Pervs," the two chorused a moment later at the teens watching them.

"You felt their emotions," Raven told Wolfsbane with some surprise.

"So did you," Wolfsbane pointed out.

"I'm an empath," Raven countered.

"I guess...I'm one now too," Wolfsbane said with a slowly growing smile.

"Let me show you how I can heal others," Raven said. "My powers are more than just empathy alone, but since they are the basis for it, I might be able to share it with you."

"I have learned more about _Cocos Nucifera _than I even knew was possible," Cyborg said. "Hell, I'm not even sure if some of what he did was possible!"

Copycat rapped his fist against the steamer trunk he was sitting on. "We have got the cash, now to get the movie and T.V. series."

"It's really better than Warp Trek?" Beast Boy said doubtfully.

"By an order of magnitude," Kitty promised. "Are we just getting Star Wars and Star Trek?"

"You want to get something more?" Illyana asked.

"Battlestar Galactica, the Indiana Jones trilogy, maybe some of the classics they don't have here."

"It's not like we're short on cash," Copycat agreed. "Plus, I was thinking of including the Terminator movies as that is where I was planning on stealing the tech to fix Cyborg from."

"Deathstroke: the Terminator?" Robin asked intently as he entered the room with Starfire, Galatea, and Cannonball.

"No, just Terminator," Mirage said. "It's the name of a series of cyborgs."

"Cyborgs?" Beast Boy asked before Cyborg could.

"The opposite of Cyborg here," Cypher said. "They are machines that have covered themselves in cloned tissue to blend in with humans."

"Probably not as strong as me," Cyborg said thoughtfully.

"Like with ties, it's better to have a clip-on," Beast Boy joked.

"Augment rather than replace," Galatea agreed. "Steel is considered one of the heavy-hitters for the Justice league."

"I-I could have it all," Cyborg said softly. "I could be...normal."

"Fuck no," Cannonball snorted, surprising everyone, as the well-mannered teen rarely swore. "Normal is all of those that scream and cower when something goes wrong, praying for others to save them and their children. None of us here are normal, and hopefully, never will be. You left normal behind when you showed you were willing to risk your life for others."

Cyborg chuckled. "Point taken, but I want to look normal, and be able to walk around without people staring at me like I'm a freak. Hell, even Mirage keeps glancing at me when she thinks I'm not looking."

Mirage laughed. "Yeah, but I'm doing it because I find you attractive, you're like a younger and better looking Forge."

"Forge?" Robin asked while Cyborg blushed.

"A mutant with the ability to build nearly anything. He lost his arm and leg in Vietnam and built himself replacements."

"Not all the attention you attract is negative," Raven said as she and Wolfsbane finished. "I have felt a lot of...positive emotions directed at you when we're in public."

"I guess I am a bit sensitive," he admitted. "Still, I'd like to be able to feel things with my hands and vanish in a crowd when I like."

"That we can do," Copycat assured him. "So, we watch some movies, get info from Uncle Bob, and see about helping Cyborg attain his dreams."

"You guys put in a lot of work for being on vacation," Robin said.

"With nothing to do, we get bored and that's no fun," Cypher said.

"But having a challenging goal that isn't a life or death emergency gives us something to relax and work on," Magic continued.

"Which makes watching movies and playing games more fun, as we are skiving off work," Wolfsbane added.

"We still get the job done, so we've accomplished something," Copycat finished.

"Why don't Sunspot and Magma have your work ethic?" Robin asked, shaking his head.

"How do you know that?" Cypher asked.

"You guys have been gone five days," Cannonball offered.

"It was only a day and a night on our end," Copycat said cheerfully. "My aim is improving."

"How much have you missed by before?" Cyborg asked.

"Decades," Copycat said proudly.

"We could've missed most our lives!" Beast Boy exclaimed, wide-eyed.

"Nah," Illyana waved it off. "We can always make another jump back."

"And, if we overshoot, we make corrections as needed 'til it's under a week, then find a deserted island to hang out on and wait for time to catch up," Copycat said.

"Half a week isn't that much," Kitty agreed. "So where are Sunspot and Magma?"

"They went to visit an island full of Amazons," Cannonball explained. "Men aren't allowed on it, but since Sunspot was awarded the title of Warrior of Asguard, it can be argued he isn't a mortal man."

Mirage sighed. "So, he's making the Amazons feel even better about avoiding men?"

"With his ego and mouth you'd think so," Cannonball said, shaking his head. "But the truth is he's getting along great. Magma has never had a Slumber Party, so Sunspot introduced everyone to the concept and they mixed it with Amazon traditions."

"Makeovers, braiding hair, telling ghost stories," Galatea listed off. "He's made quite an impression."

"Are you sure we haven't jumped to an alternate universe?" Cypher asked Illyana.

"We're in the right place," she assured him. "I'll get the movies and jump back with my link to Kitty so we don't lose any more time."

"And a player," Cypher added. "I don't think their tech is that close a match, when we can't even play tapes from England on American VCRs. DVDs even have problems due to regional encoding."

"I'm on it," Illyana promised. "Give me a list and a stack of cash."

"Should we get Magma and Sunspot?" Cypher asked.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Are you enjoying yourself?" Sunspot asked Magma who had a bright smile.

"It's a lot like home," she said.

"Except for the lesbian orgies," he pointed out.

"No, we had those in New Roma as well. I'm just glad I'm finally old enough to participate."

"I was a bit surprised they allowed me," he admitted.

Magma grinned. "You have become their favorite new little sister."

Sunspot shrugged, the markings covering his slight blush. "When in Rome..."

"The Orgies make up for a lot don't they?" she teased.

"Yes, yes they do," he agreed.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"He's always been a bit of a spoilsport when around me," Copycat said. "If he wants to spend his vacation time learning about foreign culture, good for him. We'll wait until he requests a pickup, or we're returning home before we nab him."

**AN: Typing by Lucillia!**


End file.
